Thursday, November 29, 2012

Being a baby is no child's play!

Before starting my tirade of rants, courtesy my newly acquired 'mommy' status, I thought I should first objectively acknowledge that I do understand that if being a parent is hard, it must be exponential times harder to be a baby. And even though, I might disregard this knowledge ever so often, I just want to state for the record what I often tell Manya too :), "This big, bad world just has no memory as to how tough it is being a baby!"

And here's how a baby would tell you exactly why:

-  For 9 months, you cocoon me in your amniotic fluid. I try to accommodate my ever growing self in your not so comfortable body. I make a life for myself and hey, then you tell me it's show time and I have to do acrobats and such that I have never even practiced inside. Take for example, breathing in air, crying, feeding, peeing, pooping, and the list goes on. Compare your learning curve to mine!

- If you are hungry, you eat leftovers from the refrigerator, or cook, or order in. When I am hungry, I give you adequate hints and then when you fail to decipher all of those, I cry out aloud, and even then I need to wait for you to get my feed ready! Trust me dial-a-pizza is so much simpler and more efficient!

- You attend to all your ablutions and nature's calls in absolute privacy. Not only am I not granted the privilege of that privacy, but mommy and daddy actually make a big deal about my every poop and pee. How embarrassing it is that they keep count of my nappies. Why don't you figure out for yourself how uncomfortable diapers can get, and don't get me started if you forget or cause delay in the changes!

- Just because I can't express my personal opinion, that doesn't mean, I don't have one. How would you feel if every visitor hugged you and kissed you, and insisted they hold you. If nothing else, I also have to tolerate the long stares and detailed scrutiny of every movement and sound I make. Get a life, people!

- I might be cute and all, and may even look good in whatever you make me wear, but for god's sake, don't dress me up in ridiculous outfits or uncomfortable clothes just because you bought them to satisfy your own deep-seated fascination for what you think is cute. Come to think of it, you have full access to my closet and wardrobe. Not for long, though!

- My vision is still developing, and so are my motor skills, my nervous system, my digestive system and all the other complicated bodily functions - And all that you can do is devise ways to discipline me - you call me a night bird when daddy himself doesn't have a fixed sleeping time, and you want me to have timed feeds when mommy seems to be munching anytime she wants! Please play fair!

- And last but not the least, to set the record straight, you invited me over, and I merely accepted in courtesy! So remember that when you go around telling the world how you have been having sleepless nights and days, and blah, and blah!

(Inspired by Manya's trillion expressions, most of which seem to say, "guys, cut the crap out and let's get down to business" - which is usually feeding her, rocking her to sleep or changing her diaper!)


Would love to hear what you've got to say!