Statutory Warning: This post actually talks about the four letter word with which the title above begins. Only those with a brave heart, a realistic sense of humor, or parents may continue reading this post. Would-be parents be especially warned.
Now, now, now, here comes the time for some fact checking. The one essential app of the human body that is completely undermined all your life and usually the "butt" of most grotesque jokes is undeniably iPoop! And, why should I choose to talk about this on my mommy blog - well, because, when you become a parent, that's what hits your face among the first things, and it stays there for quite a while.
After the birth of the baby, everybody awaits "the happening". I kid you not, the first wet and soiled diaper (I can get all technical about meconium et al. but where's the fun in that?) is a cause of great celebration. The nurse and the pediatrician actually gave genuine exclamations of 'wow', and 'wonderful', while my dad took the moment to a whole new level by congratulating us!!! Vish and I feigned a few indulgent smiles.
And then started, what has been a never ending journey - the initial diaper changes were nerve wrecking. We would be nervous, Manya would be bawling, I would forget the rash ointment, She would throw her legs around, and finally the ordeal would end with a thank god. Cut to the present. Vish and I can individually change her diapers in a jiffy - there's no crying, no forgetting - and a top-quality job is done - day and night. (My learning curve has always been sharp, I tell you!)
By the way, the industry standards say that on an average a child has about 5000 diaper changes till he or she is about the potty-training age (say 1.5 to 2 years). So, I do have miles to go.
The other quite irritating thing about this whole business is that, in the initial weeks, you have to not only keep a count of the dirty diapers but also note the color etc. (obviously for the pediatrician visits, duh and not as a present for your kid's 13th birthday!). I still remember Vish screaming, "please analyse the shit later, and put the fresh diaper on, else there shall be more to analyze than you can handle"! We actually downloaded an app that helps you keep a track of it and gives you stats in the end - you can even create graphs etc! It really helped - because imagine, keeping a pencil and paper next to the changing station and then manually doing a total and average at the end of the week :D. (I had considered maintaining an excel for keepsakes, but I was not sure as to how my daughter would react to such memorabilia :P.)
You can now breathe a sigh of relief, no more details! And, apologies for grossing you out if I have, but then like they say, "You do not know true love, till you wipe the shit off somebody's ass." Ouch!