As I struggle to beat the ideal mommy, I fall, and slip, and stumble - most of the times - and yet we seem to be getting by. So, here are some confessions I have to make this Mother's day as a mommy to a (terrific, umm, terrible, umm terrifying) toddler:
- Every night I promise myself that how many times M gets up in the night, I will not yell at her. But, exactly at 3:00AM when she gets up demanding a bath or a book read, and in that very irritable voice I shout - Manya it is still night - SLEEP!
- I many a times don't bother putting things back in their place after M has created havoc - I mean who cleans the doorway between snow storms. Why bother!
- I always eat my meals before M. Else I don't have the energy to sing and dance at every spoonfuls of hers.
- Because I want M to have healthy eating habits, I eat noodles (Maggi), chocolates etc. on the sly - when she is not looking or sleeping. :o:O. I also do that because I don't like sharing :D.
- I am guilty of having woken up M from her naps or sleep - just because I couldn't resist kissing her in her sleep. :(.
- What is worse than the above is that I am guilty of getting annoyed when she wakes up even though I had been the cause for it. :( :(.
- Whenever I really want two minutes to myself - to have my meal in peace or blog or anything, I allow her to play with water in the kitchen and make all the mess she wants - It is a different matter that the time I spend cleaning up is often much more than the time I get to myself.
- Like all good parents I vow to watch my language in front of her - but when she calls me a "silly goose" and "lazy", I realize I can never be too careful.
- I hate comparisons with other kids on development milestones etc. - yet every once in a while I am stupid enough to Google stuff like "My 17 month old does not put the stacking rings in order. Should I be worried?" Or every week I try to search this phrase "My daughter does not chew food that is semi mashed - it should either be completely blended or completely dry, else she throws up. Is this okay?" It doesn't matter sometimes what the doc says, huh?
- I have always hoped and wanted to be one of those super cool mommies who don't make a big hullabaloo out of every small parenting issue - who take motherhood in its stride - yet 11 AM and no poop is like the biggest problem on the face of this earth. The next is 4 hours and no food or milk intake. And god forbid, there is a puke session - it is like my blood pressure hits the roof with worry. God, I swear my hair is already greying!
- Very religiously, I try to serve the healthiest of meal choices to M - organic spinach with lentils, butternut squash soup, avocado and berry smoothie - but at other times when I am cooking and need her to be distracted so she is not constantly tugging at me - I end up giving Cheerios or even those horrible store bought cookies to her!
- Any mom would be delighted to have her child engage himself/herself independently - but I fail here too. For the first 5 minutes I am in denial and wait for her to come whining back to me. The next 10 minutes I feel so happy and wonder what all I can accomplish. The next 5 minutes I spend feeling bad - what is the use of me being at home if she has to be so quiet all by herself. The 21st minute, I go and hug and her and ask her if she wants me to play with her or read to her. Half an hour later, when I have read the same book over and over again atleast 10 times - I kick myself for having interrupted her unnecessarily!
- Then there are days when M just behaves so badly, and she gets the royal ignore from me and a semi-timeout and when she's all cool and collected and I am still ignoring her, she comes upto me and in hermost cheerful of voices says, "Hi, hug!". And I end up feeling like the worst mommy in this whole big world!
- And finally, I crib and I crib saying I don't get time for anything and am occupied 24/7 with M's chores - the truth is - that she does nap, she does sleep early, and she does play on her own for a couple of minutes at a stretch at various points during the day - but then when she is not around - I just throw my legs up and snuggle with some reading or day dreaming and then hustle and bustle with all the chores when she is up and about ;).
So, fellow mommies - what do you feel guilty about?