Lilypie - Kids Birthday

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mothering the terrible twos!

What better way to celebrate Mother's Day than reminisce brood ponder over my how my days are spent. (I seem to be doing that consistently :P, and you can read my previous Mother's Day special posts here and here.) 

So every once in a while I do get to hear how it must be "much easier" to be at home with a two year old who can communicate her needs well and can even be independent as much as a toddler can be. My first reaction is usually WTF. And then based on who it is, I decide whether to voice it or not :D. Putting it very simply, NO, IT IS NOT. And if I am saying it, it gotta be true. I have not forgotten all the cribbing I have done and continue to do, but every stage gets progressively crazier (and I put that very mildly). 

You want to know what is worse than an infant treating you as a 24-hr open milk bar, changing 10+ diapers a day - through the night, sleep regressions, pattern changes, frequent spits, feeding worries, panic attacks when the first sniffles, shivers, infections come along - what is worse is that infant growing up and reaching the terrible twos. 

Not convinced? Humour me. Read on all the wacky things my two-and-a-half-year-old subjects me to.
  • "Mommy, today I want to drink milk from the bowl - no cups please." Seriously, first thing in the morning?
  • "Daddy, What's the plan today, Can we go to the zoo/ aquarium/ water park/ beach/ mountains etc ?" It's like we are her personal assistants, we should have her day chalked out because she always inquires what's lined up for the day - weekend or not - oh and also "Staying at home is oh so boring." I am telling you this one's onto teenage already!
  • While sitting on the pot, great musings are mused. "Mommy, I want to go to space in a rocket. Do they have Dora potties or red and yellow ladder potties or boring grown up white potties in space."
  • "Mommy, will my breakfast egg hatch and a chicken come out?"
  • "Mommy, when can I go to school?" When you are potty trained hun. "I need to use the potty now." But I am eating now - hang on. "I cannot mommy, it's all going to fall down." So, the only time my daughter really needs to go use the potty is either when I am eating, at the computer, talking to someone on the phone, or cooking. The other times I beg her to use the pot, by the way.
  • What's for lunch mommy? Daal (lentils) and rice. "Okay, I will have spaghetti." Alright hun, I can do that. "Oh no, I want to have pasta." Sure. And pasta is served. "Mommy can I have some daal rice." I swear to god.... 
  • I can't nap mommy. Why (the hell) can you not? Because I cannot see properly with my eyes closed. I mean seriously, give me another reason. "I can't breathe when I nap." WTF. I am not convinced. "I want the fan to go away from the room when I am napping." That's it. And then my husband wonders why am I so crazed out at the end of the day. (Note to self: I need to do a post on this - I think I have a list of 50 more reasons she comes up with on why she can't nap)
  • Post nap is usually peak tantrum time. Copious tears will be shed because the moon has not come out. Or because the sun is too bright, Or because she needs to visit the stars RIGHT NOW. Or we need to go to London in an airplane and she wants to sit on the wings. (I wonder if they have a diagnostic test on children gone bonkers). Or she wants a real dog that walks, and barks and poops.  
  • Between Madame's "I want" (s) and I don't want" (s) , there are three other words/phrases that totally piss me off - Ofcourse yes/no, Not quite, Yaa yaa. Will you eat something? Ofcourse not. Do you want to go out? Ofcourse yes! Are you ready for bedtime "Not quite". Can you please give me a simple yes or no? "Yaa yaa". And I pull my hair, I just want to hear a YES or a NO - how hard can that be?
  • At the park: worms are dug out, grass is rolled on, dogs are hugged, flowers are smelt, leaves are plucked, and clothes are washed in mud!
  • "Mommy I need to brush my teeth." Very responsible? Now make that 10 times a day.
  • "Mommy I want to fly. Mommy, when will our house catch fire, I want to see a fire engine. Mommy, can we please go for an venture (adventure). Mommy when can we celebrate Halloween. Mommy, can you please draw spooky voices for me?" Cute? Now make each of that 50 times a day.
  • And if all this is not enough, I also get to hear VERY occasionally. "Mommy you are so lucky, you get to play at home all day while poor daddy works." OR "Mommy, why don't you go to work tomorrow and daddy can stay at home with me."
  • God forbid if her highness is in  a "helping mood" - with the dishes, laundry, sweeping, cooking - that's the end - rest assured nothing will be gotten done. 
  • I must concede though it gets achingly cute too. Mommy can I go back into your tummy? I so wish - you were most controllable then :D. It gets scandalous too, "Daddy, I have a secret, there's a baby in my tummy!"
And then every time I am on the brink of losing sanity, two soft arms envelope me in a warm hug and a cute small mouth lavishes kisses and that imp of a tongue lashes out: Mommy don't be angry. I don't want you to shout. I want you to only love me! The cheek! This brat gets away with all this impudence and more, so I must have a mother's heart after all, no? :P

Happy Mother's Day!

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