13 Lesser Known Facts for 13 Months of Motherhood

So, I decide to end the year on a very factual note :D. The mommy me has completed 13 months and here are some facts that unfolded along the way - most of which I had never ever gotten to know before M came to us. If you are a parent, you'll end up nodding for most of these with a brave grin; if you are a parent-to-be, you'll learn these the hard way; and if you are nowhere on the horizon, this might just as well be Ripley's Believe It or Not for you :P.

1. Every baby goes through phases that come and go but during no phase will you get a full night of quality sleep, or a day during which you don't ask yourself - atleast once - what have I gotten myself into?

2. The top 5 things on mommy's mind at any given time of the day or night are: The last time the baby fed and how much, the next time he/she needs to eat. | The times at which the baby pooped in the last 5 days and other associated grotesque details, you don't want explicitly mentioned here. | Baby's nap and sleep schedule | Baby's favorite nursery rhymes and songs | Shopping lists for the baby.

3. Your baby can mortally wound you. Ever been knocked on the nose by the baby's rock solid head; or been bitten during nursing; or been kicked in the gut at massage time?

4. If your baby takes 10 minutes to drink 5 ozs of milk, he/she will take forever to drink 6 ozs. Go figure out the formula for yourself.

5. Proud of your cheerful cherub who never ever throws a fit at the grocery store? Wait till you go there the next time with friends or family - the worst tantrum of your life awaits you. On the same lines, never ever tell your guests or hosts what your baby eats and doesn't. There's a 100% chance, he/she will do exactly the opposite.

6. Spent the better half of the night searching for baby food recipes and then preparing them painstakingly - well, watch your toddler refuse even the first spoon of it. Amazingly, he/she will lick it off the floor if it has fallen by mistake. Fallen food enhances taste. Yes.

7. You always carry your diaper bag with you - even for a short shopping trip. However, the one time you take a chance to go to the local post office without that monstrosity, there WILL be a diaper blowout.

8. Somebody will knock at the door, exactly when you place your baby in the bath tub. And your phone will ring (most probably a spam caller) at the precise moment you put your baby down for her nap.

9. Never mind that expensive step-and-play piano or those blocks that you paid a bomb for - nothing excites a child more than tupperware and ladles and cutlery from the kitchen.

10. Your baby gets up by the clock - sharp at 5 every single morning. Plan an early morning trip to cash in on her morning spirits and that very day, she'd choose to get up an hour or two later.

11. You no longer wear your favorite piece of jewelry (or any jewelry for that matter) because your toddler either puts it in his/her mouth or yanks it so hard that you'd have to rush to ER for a third degree tear. You also will not find a mom wearing a Dolce Gabbana dress with a Coach Bag and Jimmy Choo shoes. Not because all her savings got blown up in diaper expenses, but because, if everything has to anyways smell of drool and milk, and look like it's been brutally pulled in all directions, you'd rather be comfortable in your PJs and flip flops.

12. It doesn't matter what your cleanliness standards have been up until the point your toddler gets on the move. The house is never going to be "clean" again. No. Never.

13. Inspite of the countless miseries that descend on you, you surprisingly find only infinite love in your heart for that little devil who has turned your life upside down yet has the cheek to hug you and lick you with such warmth.

No screen time!

You'll hear most parents lament the fact that all the techniques and disciplining mantras they had always sworn by go kaput when the baby actually arrives. It is really really true. So many "rules" are bent and worked around to allow for individual spaces (that is a very polite way of saying to give into stubborn infants/kids). (But that would be a different blog post.)

However, Vish and I have, as parents, stuck to some basic principles that are more-or-less non-compromisable for Manya (and have remained such in the 8 months so far - phew!). Out of these, one is no screen time till  M turn 2 (years) - so we have 16 more months to go. We follow this quite strictly - no screen time means no TV, no computer/laptop/tablets, no phones - basically nothing with a "screen". We also minimize any "background exposure", which means if she is around there'll be no TV running in the background. Music is okay. There are two exceptions to this rule. (1) She is allowed Skype time with family and friends. (2) Once in a while, we do show her photographs.

Our reasons are very simple. Babies and infants do not have the ability to correlate motion picture with the sound (low cognitive retention, and all that dense scientific lingo too), and when they start doing so (as they grow), they "learn" to become passive observers rather than proactive participants. Even after two, I personally feel screen time should be kept to a bare minimum and should always be supervised (not only to supervise the content but also to engage the child in understanding and relating to the content). 

I come from a home where mom and dad were very strict about TV watching in the growing up years. Even in high school and senior school, we were allowed only half an hour to an hour of TV everyday - and a movie on the weekend. It was in college that finally this rule was "lifted" mainly because we got quite out of hand by then :D. I can't really compare on how I have turned out vis-a-vis those who watched TV at will - but I do know that when I look back at my childhood - it is filled with vivid memories of lively family conversations, lots of books, board games, picnics and playing and running about. Strangely, the tears I shed because I was not allowed Batman AND Small Wonder AND Star Trek on the same day, are all forgotten (and forgiven :D)

Growing up in today's times with technology having encroached in all private spaces of our being, I know "controlling" will be more difficult than in the 80's and 90's - but I will try - really hard. Screen time can be a lot of fun, play and learning and I will ensure it's used only for that - and not as a substitute for real life, real people, and real play.

Aah, but what really made me write this post was that because of this rule, guess who's suffering the most - yours truly. I have to steal in my screen time to coincide with her naps - and most of that time goes in FBing and blogging, leaving little room for TV or movies :(. Your own rules come at a price, huh? Just when I thought I was "THE" parent and "I" would "MAKE THE RULES" :P. Sigh!

Why your parents want you to have kids: And of my increasing faith in Karma and the Cycle of Life

(A standard telephonic conversation - could be any day...)

Mom: Hi Yuvika, what's happening?

Me: Hell's broken loose. (Followed by one or more of these rants:) M doesn't stay put at one place. Massages, diaper changes, everything has become an ordeal. Apart from that she is a fussy eater - she doesn't sleep too well also. I woke up so many times in the night. Oh, yesterday, she also threw her ball on my face. I think my face suffered first degree injuries...

Mom: Oh my god, stop accusing the poor baby. This is normal with children. You have no idea what all you used to do. You were worse. (Followed by one or more of these accusations:) You would pull out your soiled diaper. You used to keep acting hungry even after a full feed. You used to bang the bed so hard. You used to pull my hair.

Me: Hello, so you mean to say I had Manya so that she could avenge you?

Mom: Oho Yuvika, don't be silly. This is how it is when you have kids. You should bask in the joys of motherhood.

Me: Aah, I can smell sarcasm there. I know you are secretly delighted that finally I am getting to experience what you went through. Very bad mummy, you should not harbor feelings of revenge against your own children.

Mom: Ha ha ha (I am sure she had devils' horns flashing too). You are so funny. Okay, now I need to go pack. We are driving to Bhimtaal for a mini weekend getaway in a couple of hours - we plan to reach by evening and sip some wine as the sun goes down, behind the mountains. What are your weekend plans?

Me: Meh. Sleepless nights, soiled diapers, endless feeds, teething troubles, blah blah.

Mom: Chalo, please take care of her and don't trouble her too much. Everything will be alright and by the time you have a second one, you'll be a pro and all this will be normal routine! And you will get plenty of sleep once the children are off to college!

Me: What!!! I don't believe this!! Waah! (To myself: WTF! The cheek to mention a second child in the same breath as wine and sunsets!)

And so after atleast a trillion such exchanges, I am convinced that (barring the joy that becoming a grandparent brings - no responsibilities and lots of fun!) the big reason your parents want you to have children is because they want you to go through the miseries that they did (:P). If that was not the case, what explains the fact that no parent will ever go into details of all the compromises and the pains that parenthood brings when you don't have a kid. They'll urge you with subtle (and not-so-subtle) hints - there will be ample encouragement - visions of the infinite love, the eternal bond, the everlasting joy (which is all true) but, but hang on, they don't warn you against the infinite sleepless nights, the eternal worries, the everlasting running around. 

You know, in a perverse way, it is the cycle of life - that is continuous and, much to the pleasure of every parent, a very fair cycle. The naughty child becomes the parent to a naughtier child, while the original parent becomes the grand parent and cheers the grand child to finally close the circle. 

This brings me to my other new founded belief in karma. Unfortunately, what goes around does come around. No escaping that and no point in hoping that you can postpone the paying back to your next janam/birth. All income will be and is taxed in the same cycle. No carrying on of dues etc. So, every time you have an altercation with your parents and your mom or dad retorts saying, "you'll know when you have a child" - trust me, someone up there is recording all of that, which will be exacted with interest years later when you do have a child. Parents know that because they have been there and done that and this is something only experience can teach you. 

So, dear readers, consider this post a boon to you if you still are not married/don't have a child. You will soon realize this is the only place you get the whole story including the brutal truth :D.

(P.S.: Manya darling ignore this post for the time being, we'll see when you are on the other side :P)

Signing off with a deceptive picture - don't let the serene smiles fool you - I just gave you all the gyaan, right? ;)