Mothering the terrible twos!

What better way to celebrate Mother's Day than reminisce brood ponder over my how my days are spent. (I seem to be doing that consistently :P, and you can read my previous Mother's Day special posts here and here.) 

So every once in a while I do get to hear how it must be "much easier" to be at home with a two year old who can communicate her needs well and can even be independent as much as a toddler can be. My first reaction is usually WTF. And then based on who it is, I decide whether to voice it or not :D. Putting it very simply, NO, IT IS NOT. And if I am saying it, it gotta be true. I have not forgotten all the cribbing I have done and continue to do, but every stage gets progressively crazier (and I put that very mildly). 

You want to know what is worse than an infant treating you as a 24-hr open milk bar, changing 10+ diapers a day - through the night, sleep regressions, pattern changes, frequent spits, feeding worries, panic attacks when the first sniffles, shivers, infections come along - what is worse is that infant growing up and reaching the terrible twos. 

Not convinced? Humour me. Read on all the wacky things my two-and-a-half-year-old subjects me to.

• "Mommy, today I want to drink milk from the bowl - no cups please." Seriously, first thing in the morning?

• "Daddy, What's the plan today, Can we go to the zoo/ aquarium/ water park/ beach/ mountains etc ?" It's like we are her personal assistants, we should have her day chalked out because she always inquires what's lined up for the day - weekend or not - oh and also "Staying at home is oh so boring." I am telling you this one's onto teenage already!

• While sitting on the pot, great musings are mused. "Mommy, I want to go to space in a rocket. Do they have Dora potties or red and yellow ladder potties or boring grown up white potties in space."

• "Mommy, will my breakfast egg hatch and a chicken come out?"

• "Mommy, when can I go to school?" When you are potty trained hun. "I need to use the potty now." But I am eating now - hang on. "I cannot mommy, it's all going to fall down." So, the only time my daughter really needs to go use the potty is either when I am eating, at the computer, talking to someone on the phone, or cooking. The other times I beg her to use the pot, by the way.

• What's for lunch mommy? Daal (lentils) and rice. "Okay, I will have spaghetti." Alright hun, I can do that. "Oh no, I want to have pasta." Sure. And pasta is served. "Mommy can I have some daal rice." I swear to god.... 

• I can't nap mommy. Why (the hell) can you not? Because I cannot see properly with my eyes closed. I mean seriously, give me another reason. "I can't breathe when I nap." WTF. I am not convinced. "I want the fan to go away from the room when I am napping." That's it. And then my husband wonders why am I so crazed out at the end of the day. (Note to self: I need to do a post on this - I think I have a list of 50 more reasons she comes up with on why she can't nap)

• Post nap is usually peak tantrum time. Copious tears will be shed because the moon has not come out. Or because the sun is too bright, Or because she needs to visit the stars RIGHT NOW. Or we need to go to London in an airplane and she wants to sit on the wings. (I wonder if they have a diagnostic test on children gone bonkers). Or she wants a real dog that walks, and barks and poops.  

• Between Madame's "I want" (s) and I don't want" (s) , there are three other words/phrases that totally piss me off - Ofcourse yes/no, Not quite, Yaa yaa. Will you eat something? Ofcourse not. Do you want to go out? Ofcourse yes! Are you ready for bedtime "Not quite". Can you please give me a simple yes or no? "Yaa yaa". And I pull my hair, I just want to hear a YES or a NO - how hard can that be?

• At the park: worms are dug out, grass is rolled on, dogs are hugged, flowers are smelt, leaves are plucked, and clothes are washed in mud!

• "Mommy I need to brush my teeth." Very responsible? Now make that 10 times a day.

• "Mommy I want to fly. Mommy, when will our house catch fire, I want to see a fire engine. Mommy, can we please go for an venture (adventure). Mommy when can we celebrate Halloween. Mommy, can you please draw spooky voices for me?" Cute? Now make each of that 50 times a day.

• And if all this is not enough, I also get to hear VERY occasionally. "Mommy you are so lucky, you get to play at home all day while poor daddy works." OR "Mommy, why don't you go to work tomorrow and daddy can stay at home with me."

• God forbid if her highness is in  a "helping mood" - with the dishes, laundry, sweeping, cooking - that's the end - rest assured nothing will be gotten done. 

• I must concede though it gets achingly cute too. Mommy can I go back into your tummy? I so wish - you were most controllable then :D. It gets scandalous too, "Daddy, I have a secret, there's a baby in my tummy!"

And then every time I am on the brink of losing sanity, two soft arms envelope me in a warm hug and a cute small mouth lavishes kisses and that imp of a tongue lashes out: Mommy don't be angry. I don't want you to shout. I want you to only love me! The cheek! This brat gets away with all this impudence and more, so I must have a mother's heart after all, no? :P

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Special: Confessions of a Toddler's Mommy!

It is not easy being a mommy and it is almost impossible to be that perfect mommy - the one who doesn't raise her voice at her kids, is patient - always, is immaculate herself and sets the perfect personal example, whips up yummy but all healthy and organic food for her children, the children love her, there are no tantrums, no yelling, and there is utopia. 

As I struggle to beat the ideal mommy, I fall, and slip, and stumble - most of the times - and yet we seem to be getting by. So, here are some confessions I have to make this Mother's day as a mommy to a (terrific, umm, terrible, umm terrifying) toddler:

• Every night I promise myself that how many times M gets up in the night, I will not yell at her. But, exactly at 3:00AM when she gets up demanding a bath or a book read, and in that very irritable voice I shout - Manya it is still night - SLEEP!

• I many a times don't bother putting things back in their place after M has created havoc - I mean who cleans the doorway between snow storms. Why bother!

• I always eat my meals before M. Else I don't have the energy to sing and dance at every spoonfuls of hers.

• Because I want M to have healthy eating habits, I eat noodles (Maggi), chocolates etc. on the sly - when she is not looking or sleeping. :o:O. I also do that because I don't like sharing :D.

• I am guilty of having woken up M from her naps or sleep - just because I couldn't resist kissing her in her sleep. :(.

• What is worse than the above is that I am guilty of getting annoyed when she wakes up even though I had been the cause for it. :( :(.

• Whenever I really want two minutes to myself - to have my meal in peace or blog or anything, I allow her to play with water in the kitchen and make all the mess she wants - It is a different matter that the time I spend cleaning up is often much more than the time I get to myself.

• Like all good parents I vow to watch my language in front of her - but when she calls me a "silly goose" and "lazy", I realize I can never be too careful.

• I hate comparisons with other kids on development milestones etc. - yet every once in a while I am stupid enough to Google stuff like "My 17 month old does not put the stacking rings in order. Should I be worried?" Or every week I try to search this phrase "My daughter does not chew food that is semi mashed - it should either be completely blended or completely dry, else she throws up. Is this okay?" It doesn't matter sometimes what the doc says, huh?

• I have always hoped and wanted to be one of those super cool mommies who don't make a big hullabaloo out of every small parenting issue - who take motherhood in its stride - yet 11 AM and no poop is like the biggest problem on the face of this earth. The next is 4 hours and no food or milk intake. And god forbid, there is a puke session - it is like my blood pressure hits the roof with worry. God, I swear my hair is already greying!

• Very religiously, I try to serve the healthiest of meal choices to M - organic spinach with lentils, butternut squash soup, avocado and berry smoothie - but at other times when I am cooking and need her to be distracted so she is not constantly tugging at me - I end up giving Cheerios or even those horrible store bought cookies to her!

• Any mom would be delighted to have her child engage himself/herself independently - but I fail here too. For the first 5 minutes I am in denial and wait for her to come whining back to me. The next 10 minutes I feel so happy and wonder what all I can accomplish. The next 5 minutes I spend feeling bad - what is the use of me being at home if she has to be so quiet all by herself. The 21st minute, I go and hug and her and ask her if she wants me to play with her or read to her. Half an hour later, when I have read the same book over and over again atleast 10 times - I kick myself for having interrupted her unnecessarily!

• Then there are days when M just behaves so badly, and she gets the royal ignore from me and a semi-timeout and when she's all cool and collected and I am still ignoring her, she comes upto me and in hermost cheerful of voices says, "Hi, hug!". And I end up feeling like the worst mommy in this whole big world!

• And finally, I crib and I crib saying I don't get time for anything and am occupied 24/7 with M's chores - the truth is - that she does nap, she does sleep early, and she does play on her own for a couple of minutes at a stretch at various points during the day - but then when she is not around - I just throw my legs up and snuggle with some reading or day dreaming  and then hustle and bustle with all the chores when she is up and about ;). 

So, fellow mommies - what do you feel guilty about?

13 Lesser Known Facts for 13 Months of Motherhood

So, I decide to end the year on a very factual note :D. The mommy me has completed 13 months and here are some facts that unfolded along the way - most of which I had never ever gotten to know before M came to us. If you are a parent, you'll end up nodding for most of these with a brave grin; if you are a parent-to-be, you'll learn these the hard way; and if you are nowhere on the horizon, this might just as well be Ripley's Believe It or Not for you :P.

1. Every baby goes through phases that come and go but during no phase will you get a full night of quality sleep, or a day during which you don't ask yourself - atleast once - what have I gotten myself into?

2. The top 5 things on mommy's mind at any given time of the day or night are: The last time the baby fed and how much, the next time he/she needs to eat. | The times at which the baby pooped in the last 5 days and other associated grotesque details, you don't want explicitly mentioned here. | Baby's nap and sleep schedule | Baby's favorite nursery rhymes and songs | Shopping lists for the baby.

3. Your baby can mortally wound you. Ever been knocked on the nose by the baby's rock solid head; or been bitten during nursing; or been kicked in the gut at massage time?

4. If your baby takes 10 minutes to drink 5 ozs of milk, he/she will take forever to drink 6 ozs. Go figure out the formula for yourself.

5. Proud of your cheerful cherub who never ever throws a fit at the grocery store? Wait till you go there the next time with friends or family - the worst tantrum of your life awaits you. On the same lines, never ever tell your guests or hosts what your baby eats and doesn't. There's a 100% chance, he/she will do exactly the opposite.

6. Spent the better half of the night searching for baby food recipes and then preparing them painstakingly - well, watch your toddler refuse even the first spoon of it. Amazingly, he/she will lick it off the floor if it has fallen by mistake. Fallen food enhances taste. Yes.

7. You always carry your diaper bag with you - even for a short shopping trip. However, the one time you take a chance to go to the local post office without that monstrosity, there WILL be a diaper blowout.

8. Somebody will knock at the door, exactly when you place your baby in the bath tub. And your phone will ring (most probably a spam caller) at the precise moment you put your baby down for her nap.

9. Never mind that expensive step-and-play piano or those blocks that you paid a bomb for - nothing excites a child more than tupperware and ladles and cutlery from the kitchen.

10. Your baby gets up by the clock - sharp at 5 every single morning. Plan an early morning trip to cash in on her morning spirits and that very day, she'd choose to get up an hour or two later.

11. You no longer wear your favorite piece of jewelry (or any jewelry for that matter) because your toddler either puts it in his/her mouth or yanks it so hard that you'd have to rush to ER for a third degree tear. You also will not find a mom wearing a Dolce Gabbana dress with a Coach Bag and Jimmy Choo shoes. Not because all her savings got blown up in diaper expenses, but because, if everything has to anyways smell of drool and milk, and look like it's been brutally pulled in all directions, you'd rather be comfortable in your PJs and flip flops.

12. It doesn't matter what your cleanliness standards have been up until the point your toddler gets on the move. The house is never going to be "clean" again. No. Never.

13. Inspite of the countless miseries that descend on you, you surprisingly find only infinite love in your heart for that little devil who has turned your life upside down yet has the cheek to hug you and lick you with such warmth.

Musings on my first Mother's Day...

Aah, my first Mother's Day just went by! I felt strange, weird, old, funny, emotional - all at the same time. Among all those mixed feelings, the best feeling was that I had one more day to demand gifts and a special dinner. Yes, yes, the bane of consumerism and all that jazz.

On a more serious note, I am a fairly young mommy - only 6 months old :D (yeah, i am still trying to get rid of that new mommy tag). But nevertheless, I tried to evaluate the characteristics that have evolved in me since November 6th, 2012, which definitely make me a "typical" mom! I could come up with only these:

• I can sleep soundly through most noise, but one whimper from her highness and I am up even from the deepest of slumbers. (Though that does not prevent me from cribbing about sleep deprivation.) 

• Though Manya has barely started on solids, I am already obsessing about feeding her, why she is not eating enough, what she should eat etc. etc. Infact I have an MS Excel sheet done up with color coding et al. for foods under various categories, her reactions, and so on.

• Mom knows best is the only mantra I live by. The doctor's recommendation comes a close second :D.

• My online browsing, shopping, and reading, infact most aspects of my being now center around M. I have to make a very conscious effort to engage in a conversation that doesn't revolve around children and parenting. 

• 'No' is the new favorite word around the house. I say that so often that I am beginning to worry if M's first word will be 'No".

• In any conversation that involves the three of us, Vish is no longer Vish but 'Daddy'. "Say bye to daddy." "Daddy will put you to sleep." Tell daddy to lower the volume, we need some peace." Daddy needs to buy mommy a present." :P

• The sight of bawling infants no longer appalls me - mostly because I now understand babies are so unpredictable, and more importantly, I am busy keeping mine in check!

• Whatever be the day of the week: Sunday or Monday, the routine never changes. I need to get up early for a head start to the day.

• Gone are the days of fashionable purses and bags. I now lug around an ugly monster everywhere that has diapers, wipes, ointment, extra set of clothing, changing pad, blanket, toys, burp cloths, wash cloths and other such 'basic' necessities.

• Impromptu trips - to malls, to movies, weekend getaways, off to an unplanned destination with just a wallet and cellphone - all are things of the past. I need a longish notice of atleast a couple of hours even to go do groceries. Manya should be well-fed, well rested - it should not be too hot, it should not be too cold, and other trillion such trifles.

Does this sound bad? Have I sunk deep enough into mommyhood? Or worse transformations are yet to come? Time will tell, I guess...

Power nap/ Yoga nidra

It is no secret that with the joy of mommyhood come countless sleepless nights and days. Between frequent feeds, diapering duties, burping, bath times, changing clothes, and other items on an endlessly long list, sleep is the last thing that 'happens'. I won't even get into the details of dark circles and blotchy skin and all the nasty side effects.
All for the greater love, they say. So be it :D.

The minute you announce the news of your pregnancy, friends, relatives. all and sundry, will surely give you one advice, "Sleep well, rest well." However, well meaning the advice maybe and I even concede, rest is important; but I always felt (and still feel) that you can't really stack up on the sleep quota - something like if you know you are going to fast next month, you can't eat double the previous month! 

So, ofcourse I rested a lot during the nine months, it still didn't come in handy post November 6th. Now, what would have me better prepared? A good course on how to get power naps or yoga nidra. For details on these concepts check Wikipedia: Power nap | Yoga nidra. 

Forget all those Lamaze classes, childbirth classes, labor and delivery classes etc., I feel a mandatory class should be not on breathing but sleeping. I ruefully admire my husband as he gets up refreshed from his 15 minute snooze and I am still tossing and turning to first fall asleep. It takes me atleast 30 mins to fall asleep and sadly, that luxury has not been offered to me till now! I wonder if it ever will be. And anyways, how does one learn power napping? Any ideas?