Mom got no rizz...

 When, why, and who decided the word “outfit” should be shortened to “fit”?

Other words I am learning but have been instructed never ever to use :

- skibbidy

- Rizz

- Ohio (not the state)

#learningfrommytween

This ship has sailed!

 Anybody else feel like they can’t keep up with their 10 year old’s lingo!

M: Mom, do you know a lot of kids in class are shipping for so and so and so and so (insert two names)..

Me: Shipping for meaning? Shipping where?

M: MOOOOMMM - shipping - as in romantically connecting

Me: Seriously they say shipping these days??? That’s so suss!!! (Fyi, suss is what I learnt last year to mean suspicious apparently)

M: Mom, don’t try to be cool! Using suss and all!

Me: Bruh!

M: MOoom don’t do that! It doesn’t suit you!

Me: do you also want me to ship?

M: mom you are impossible!

Me:

Online Learning vs. In-Person Parenting

 #Lingo2020 #ZoomLives #OnlineLearning #InPersonParenting

Our soon-to-be-8-but-going-on-18-with-all-that-sass daughter saunters down the stairs this morning...

Me: Hey Manya, good morning, you slept in today. Well what do you want for breakfast and then you can get on with your work day.

Her: Mom, At this point I only have my video on. Audio is not connected. Can you repeat that later when the network is better?

....

Well I never! This is a new format of disobedience in this house. And I am yet to figure out a good comeback - after all learning might be online but parenting is still in-person!

I am thinking more on the line of when I am called for, I should just say, "You are in the waiting room. The host will let you in when it is convenient."

#MorningCardiacArrest

Me: Manya what are you pouring over this seriously first thing in the morning.
M: Mom, I finally figured out the f word that is really bad so now I am checking out the exact meaning in my dictionary.
Me (😱😳🤭🤨😖😫), composing myself: Oh really, what is it?
M: You tell me, I’ll tell you if I got it right or not.
Me (not falling for this): How about we take turns to spell it. I’ll go first - F
M: Okay, R
Me (kind of calmed down but now in a fix): I?
M: Freak has an i or an e after r?
Me: E E E - come I’ll help you find the word - let’s learn how to use the dictionary. And remember Freak is very rude - you will not use it. Okay?
M: okay, now let me look for some more bad words.
Me: 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Sweet nothings

Some random statements Manya has been making the last couple of months...

"Mommy I have got hurt in the palm of my foot"

"Mommy I want a baby right now"

"I am not adorable. I am Manya" (This when her art teacher told her she was adorable!)

"I am hungry, I must be illuminated."

"I am not cute. Puppies are cute."

"How old is the week today?"

And finally, this one... (it's not sweet but it's her own cute way of saying shut up)..

"Mom, your voice need  not be talked."  Uh. Oh.

Nonsense!

So I was reading this handout from our doctor's visit, and as always Ms BusyBody M comes in:
Manya: mommy what are you reading?
Me: some stuff from the doctor's.
Manya: I also want to read.
Me: okay! 
(so I start reading aloud word for word, and we go through the first bullet)
Manya: what does that mean?
Me: they are saying children like Manya can throw tantrums because they don't understand some things because they are babies.
Manya (very agitated): this is nonsense. I am not a baby. I understand everything.

(I promptly tossed the handout away - there exists no literature yet on how to deal with Ms. Feisty.)

(P.s. Use of nonsense - most things these days are just "nonsense")

Gems from the past...

This is going to be the last of my India trip posts, I guess.

Some things M came up with on her own during the India trip:

----
This is at the time of the Diwali festivities in Delhi - all the lights and diyas did catch M's fancy as she proclaimed, "M loves the dark. Dark is happy". Yes, that does sound morbid and "dark".

----
M took a fascination for robots - some rhyme or some cartoon she watched. One day, I saw her touching the wall with one hand and the other hand straight up over her head. When I asked her what she was doing. She very soberly replied, "I am charging".

----
M loves clocks and wants us to buy one for her room and every other room in the house, but before clocks were clocks, shed call them time, and this does make for a very profound statement. She looked at the wall clock in my parents' house, and said "Manya want to hold time in her hands". Now, don't we all want to do that?

----
M somewhat knows of tunnels - If you go on the DND from Noida to Delhi, you can see lot of under-construction buildings to your right. One early morning as we were driving by, M remarked, "Mommy, so many tunnels going to the sky."

----
On our trip from Delhi to Bangalore, a friendly air hostess asked her if she wanted something. M turned around to me and said, "What is the cleaning lady asking?". I would have not minded had the windows of the plane opened and the air sucked me out!

----
In Bangalore, M was rather amused with the ac vent for the back seat in my sis-in-law's car, and she said, "The wind is leaping."

----

Documenting some old conversations...

I shared these on FB during our India trip when blogging seemed a tad bit difficult. Posting these here now.

M has perfected the art of throwing things - At noon today, seeing her throw mud from the pots in the balcony down, I lost it and yelled at her.
Me: Manya enough is enough. You will not throw anything down - the next time you throw something down, I'll throw you.
M (grinning): Don't say that Mommy.
Me: No, I am serious. If you throw something, I throw you.
M looks at me straight in the eye and with open defiance, throws a fistful of mud down.
Me (with fuming anger): That's it. I'll throw you down.
M (with mock fear): No mommy please don't throw me down.
Me (with real fury): Why did you throw the mud down?
M: Mud not saying don't throw me down.
Me (to myself): WTF.
Me (to Manya): Okay, but did the mud say please throw me down?
M: No.
Me: Well, then you shouldn't have thrown it down.
I thought to myself I had won this battle with reason and my victory applause had hardly subsided that M again threw some mud down.
Me (in a shade of raging red): Again, Why did you throw the mud AGAIN?
M: Mud said, Manya please throw me down.
Me (to myself): WTF WTF WTF - my hair will go grey before we get over this toddlerhood-bordering-on-preschooler phase.
Me (to Manya): You just earned yourself a timeout. Now.
M: No timeout - Manya is very dirty - Let's have a looong bath.
Me: a long pause.....

[If you are still wondering, yes, I am typing this as my daughter is busy enjoying her bath, while I have her towel ready for when her highness decides to step out - PHEW]

----------------------

Manya's spin on her jet lag: "Nani's house all day all night. Morning soo dark"
(She refuses to acknowledge the fact that it is she who is sleeping "all day" and up "all night"!!!)

The Pursuit of HAPPYness

While I am still striving to do some pending posts, I cannot help but share how interesting conversations with M have become - she is all but 2 but quite the spitfire already. What certainly helps her cause is that she can now (quite delightfully) string words in to sentences which are complete and most often than not grammatically correct.

However, our initial joy is slowly being replaced by reaction that are more on the lines of seizures and cardiac arrests. Can you imagine I have already heard, "Mommy, I don't think I love you"!!! Can you beat that! She is TWO for god sake!

Here's something I shared on Facebook a couple of days back, and need to record it here for posterity.

I was in the kitchen when I saw Manya jumping on and off the couch. 

Me: Manya you will get hurt - how many times should I repeat myself - can you please behave properly!
After a minute or so she enters the kitchen.
Manya: Mommy, I want to talk to you.
Me: Yes, what is it?
Manya: "Mommy I just want to tell you that I don't want to listen to you and I don't want to behave properly - I want to be HAPPY."
And she marched back.

(And here I had been hoping I'd get to wait till atleast teenage to hear that from my daughter )

More funny one-liners from M

Many noses are coming and coming.
~ M describing her cold

Hello, This is Yohvikka. Why no package coming?
~ M trying to imitate me as I follow up with customer care for some deliveries.

Manya crying in the airplane.
~ M threatening to cry in the airplane if I don't give in to her demands.

Manya draws so well.
~ Self explanatory, huh?

Onto sentence construction now!

For the last fortnight or more, our little munchkin has been trying to string words together and make her own sentences - and by that I mean not just repeat what we have said but put words together on her own in a way that she perhaps hasn't heard from us.

Here are some gems:

"Take your lap"

This is repeated a thousand times in a minute sometimes - and at times it is so annoying that I shout back, "take my lap where?", and pat comes the reply, "Take daughter your lap." Alright then!

"Where is daddy go/gone"

She substitutes daddy for everyone and everything else too, but that question about daddy is asked a trillion times, even if he in in the next room!

"Have a bath"

Ofcourse, just in case you had a doubt on this one - by this she means that she demands to have a bath NOW.

"Daughter falling, save her"

You decode this one!

And this one, she came up with today, and it is indeed the most priceless:

"So many waters falling outside"

...The cutie was referring to the rain!

In addition to this, we have a lot of verb constructions...I often joke that M gives a running commentary of what's happening. Mommy eating cereal, daddy playing guitar, spider crawling up, Light switching on, Daddy troubling Manya, Kitty kissing puppy, Bruno hugging Teddy...and it goes on and on 24/7.

Some other phrases that are quite endearing at this stage are:

- Hug you, Love you, Kiss you, 

- Don't trouble

- Goodbye daddy, come soon (She says this every single time he says bye!)

- WooooWW

- Just look at that!

- Who is that?

- What's that sond (sound)?

- Lie down on coch (couch)/bed

- Just one more time/ one last time (always at bath time!)

- Cancel the call (when she wants me to end my phone conversations)

- Daddy gone to work to office
- Show to daddy (She wants to show everything to daddy - toy, hurt, hairband, dress!)

- But what happened (every single time I blow my lid off or give her a time out or ignore her tantrums)

So this is what is happening...:)

Conversations with M (1 of infinity)

So starting a series of posts to record the hilarious and often very frustrating conversations that I have with M. Let's see how our conversations change over time. Here's one for today.

Me: Manya, let's have milk.
Manya: No.
Me: Now come have yummy breakfast.
Manya: No.
Me: It is nap time!
Manya: No.
Me: You dont want to have your delicious snack?
Manya: No.

**Parenting gyaan: Instead of asking a yes/no question, give options**

Enlightened me: Manya will you have apple or banana for snack?
Manya: No apple, no banana.
Me: :o:O Okay, more options and yes or no is not an option. Do you want a cookies or muffin.
Manya: No cookie, no muffin.
Me (refusing to give up): how about mango shake or strawberry shake.
Manya (in a sing song voice): No apple, no banana, no cookies, no muffin, no mango, no strawberry, no nothing.
Exasperated me: You cannot say no. I give you options, you choose one. And, what the hell do you mean by nothing?
M: Want not anything.
Frustrated me: Dont explain the meaning of nothing to me. I am getting mad.
Manya: Smiles, nods her head and walks away.

After a few hours,
Me: Will you take a nap at 1 o clock or 2 o clock.
Manya: Never ever.

Manya is 20 months old. Sigh.

HUG!

[Warning: This post is loaded with the "awwww" factor" :D.]

So Manya has really been picking up words - she's still ofcourse on the one word at a time communication stage - no phrases yet (and I believe that is a long way to go) but she sure has mastered the skill of getting her point across. For example, "Out", "Walk", "Play", "Book" (which means I should read to her), "See" (This is when I exasperatedly ask her what do you want to do - the cheeky brat says "See".), and so on. 

The cutest of these is of course is HUG, which basically means she is asking, nay, demanding to be hugged that very moment. This happens several times a day, and please note the smart pants' timing:

• She needs a hug when she wants to abandon her meal midway. (See this post on what other things she does for this.)

• She wants a hug when I am putting her to sleep - now try hugging a baby when she is already in your lap and you are walking with her. I explain (rather scream) to her that I am already hugging her but no - looks like there is a difference.

• She definitely wants a hug if her sleep gets disturbed at some god forsaken hour in the night.

• Just when I begin to eat or drink something, her highness comes demanding a hug.

• If I am at the laptop, hugs shall be needed every 3 minutes.

• Hug is also a topic changing strategy. If I start telling her a story that she doesn't want to hear or engage her in some activity that doesn't interest her, she cuts me midway and says hug.

• If I am talking on a phone, there is no way she can stay without the hug.

• Hug is also apparently a symbol of peace - a white flag that she hoists. If she is upto something that she isn't supposed and I happen to catch her, she quickly, in the cutest of tones, will say, hug. Ditto if I raise my volume or say NO.

If that is not all, the hug is said in the most endearing manner that try as much as I to convince myself that she is faking all the cuteness to get her way, I still cannot resist hugging her. What a drama queen we have, I tell you!

Bitch!

I know I know. This is a parenting blog - a personal chronicle, and whatever it might include, there does not seem to be the remotest possibility of the scope for name calling. Yet, you wonder, that is precisely what I did. Yes. And No.

Let's start at the very beginning. As M started practicing refining her sounds more and more, the buh (bus) became the bitch. The fish comes a close second (she says something like bitsch). Though the pronunciation is scandalous, anyone in context - a fish nearby, a bus nearby - would immediately correlate or understand. 

Cut to the present, anything that her highness cannot name or rather does not know, she promptly calls it a "bitch" (much to our dismay, there is absolutely no baby accent or overtone or lisp - it is crystal clear and well pronounced) . It started last weekend when we went over to a cousin's place, M started using the word for everything - much to everyone's amusement. Even though, I had already warned everyone that bus and fish is bitch, nobody was prepared for the word being thrown around at the drop of a hat! 

Today, during a shopping trip, she pointed at some random stuff in a lady's cart, and yelled out BITCH! Imagine the shock on the face of all the people around. (A name calling 15 month old! I wonder if somebody called Child Protection Services!) I just good-naturedly smiled and covered up saying, "oh no Manya, there's no fish here here", in the hope that people get the point. But frankly speaking, how long can I defend myself saying that we do not abuse at home :D. 

Earlier ofcourse, we'd end up rolling our eyes whenever she'd utter the horrific word, but now I am just beginning to ignore it and dispassionately telling her the right word instead. I have a feeling she realizes the excitement she causes when she says it - her eyes lit up and there is much emphasis (the brat, I tell you!) and I don't want to feed that!

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!

If you are a parent or have been around children, you couldn't have missed this groovy rhyme. If yes, check it out here. 

As Manya is talking more and more, we are having more than our fill of daily amusement. For the past couple of days, Manya has been obsessed with pointing out body parts. She starts with the head (ahd), eyes (aaiiiii), nose (nooo), ears (that's aiii again!), tongue and teeth (both are tuh), neck (aih), chest (scheh), thigh (tha), and finally, toes (tho). 

She does it all day! And she will label your body parts too. A few minutes of camaraderie and you will have her tiny fingers poking all over your face and body. Most people find it adorable and so do we the parents. Except that when it happens ALL the time. She does it to her daddy when he is sleeping. And not only that, if she happens to get up in the middle of the night, she will start the routine again - ahd (head) she goes! 

Imagine the horror of being woken up to your eyes being poked at an unearthly hour! 

Shudder!

M's growing vocabulary...

So, if you have been on this blog long enough, you know M is quite the talker (or rather, at this stage the blabber-er)! From the beginning, she has not shown much interest in picking up individual words - she guns for the complicated sentence and stanza right-away. It is hilarious because you can have an entire conversation with her (with her doing most of the talking) and not a single word will be recognizable - though I must admit the blabbering is very emotive :D. Because of this very reason, I am sure she will start talking in a full-fledged manner much later than what everybody around has been predicting, including her doctor, who goes gaga over her highness's vocalization!

However, there are a few marked identifiable words that are forming her growing vocabulary. The way she pronounces them cracks us up million times a day. Here's an indicative list:

• bei bei (always accompanied by the wave of the hand and is her version of bye-bye - pretty close to the intended)
• haiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (her hi's are always always in hyperbole - it's never just a hi it is a haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii)
• baby (this one's absolutely clear - but who is a baby - any child upto the age of say 13 or 14, and any person in a poster! She called a smiling lady in the ice cream joint poster a baby!)
• daw (that one's for dog)
• duuh (not duuh but duck)
• bitch (yes, you can do a rotfl on this one. We were shocked the first time she said it - but she means bus!)
• bishh (that's the fish)
• bow bow (that's for the dog again)
• beetee (the Beatles poster near the stair way - sometimes she gets confused and calls other posters/photographs with lots of people in it as also beetee)
• no no (that's is No - it is always accompanied by her finger movement and is always said in sets of two - no-no.)
• yaa (yes, but I don't think she always uses it in context. In the middle of nowhere, she'll start saying ya ya!)
• more (she says more for milk and water and then promptly changes her mind)
• otter (that's water)
• daayddy (daddy!)
• mimmi, amma (that's for me, and I dont like how she says amma - it's like a-mmmaaaaaaa. I have told her I am mummy or mommy - nothing else.)
• dappuh (not dapper really, but her diaper!)
• Kaaoh (That's car! beats me why she brings in the o syllable when she can stop at kaah!)
• Tuhh (Truck)
• tahtuh (Tractor)
• aaahhppppill (apple)
• aaahhppy (Happy)
• muhmuh (cow)
• ba-ba (sheep, lamb)
• haawt (hot)
• nana, mama, anna, thatha - she says them all but we are yet to ascertain if it is to the right people!
• appuh (that's not appa or apu (sorry, Aps) - it is hippo!)
• cheeeee (cheese, ofcourse!)

I think that's just about all that I can think of. Me says, toddler hood is looking to be very very amusing. What say you?

Say Cheeeeee!

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeee (with the longest eeee ever) is M's version of 'cheese' ofcourse. I don't know if she likes eating it as much as she likes saying it but the passionate rendition cracks us up each time. I have to just trigger her with a simple question, "Manya will you have cheese?" And for the next 10 minutes we are assured that we will get to hear cheeeeeeee at regular intervals! 

The best part was that I was doing laundry in the afternoon when I heard the excited cheeee, only to find her highness in front of the window sill, pointing at the falling snow flakes, calling all of them cheese! I had to grant it to her, since they did look like the shredded cheese and the cut string cheese pieces I offer her. I did try to correct her though, but she didn't care much. So, we do have cheese topped trees and plants and the ground! 

It's all "thuhhtay" at 12 months!

An extract from M's dictionary -

Thuhhtay [adjective | aka known as dirty by lesser mortals]
 : anything that mommy does not allow to pop into my mouth <leaves, insects>
 : anything on the floor <fallen pens, key chains>
 : anything that mommy tries to scoop out from my mouth <buttons, carpet fiber.>
 : anything that mommy says "No" to <cell phone, chargers>
 : anything that can be pinched between my finger and thumb <dust, dirt particles, etc.>

For a while now, I have been trying to drill it into our little pumpkin on how what's "dirty" cannot be put into the mouth, in the hope that one day she will get it. Looks like she has got it all too well (and she doesn't mind if it is dirty, but that would be another story). For the last fortnight or so, she has been bringing to us everything that she possibly can and calling it 'thuhhtay'. It does get a little irritating sometimes, especially when she flings my phone away in such contempt, but then when out at the patio she doesn't put dried leaves or insects in her mouth but promptly hands them over to me, I feel good about the whole thing.

However, she has taken this dirt obsession up a notch. She called the Velcro strap of a toy in her Gymboree class dirty and promptly took it to the teacher, who tried explaining (in vain) that they wash everything thoroughly and it's not dirty! At her recent doctor's visit, she pulled out the roll of paper spread on the examination table, tore it into bits and handed it over to the doctor and me, calling it dirty. The cheek, I tell you.  Sigh. At 12 months, it's all thuhhtay!

Not okay!

Just posted this on FB, and thought it must be recorded here as well.

The madame has been talking, a lot. 

No mommy (no 'm' syllable at all, btw), no daddy (tho there's lot of dada) - apart from the undecipherable (constant) babbles of tata, papa, baba, Manya's first "meaningful" word "AAIKAY" - her version of okay! 

She picked it from me, I guess, all day I go on, "This is dangerous, don't touch it, okay?" blah blah, okay? And she says it so effortlessly, which is cute. But what is not is, that she says it ALL THE TIME.

I love you.

aaikay

You are the naughtiest girl ever.

aaikay

We need to eat lunch now.

aaikay

Come, let's read you a story.

aaikay

Mommy is fed up of you.

aaikay

Manya, enough of okays, now this is far from being okay.

aaikay!

Good lord, Save me.