#TimeoutFail

If you have been following this blog every now and then, you'd know that M has quite the temper - which manifests itself in tantrums, crying and what not. She is also extremely naughty - downright cheeky - a chipmunk for whom NO translates into look into trying harder to challenge restrictions and boundaries. On the other end is poor me, who often tries to balance the mommy in me with the impatient person that I am. It is not difficult then to imagine the number of face-offs we both have in a single day.

So in order to tame the little shrew and give myself some cooling off time, we introduced the concept of timeouts. For my lucky non-parent friends, you can look up the term on wiki here. The first time, I explained to her (yeah right, explained to an 18 month old!), what I was going to do, and why. And I also told her I love her blah blah - so basically all the parenting gyaan from the books and Internet was shared offloaded. It was a breeze - about 2 mins of timeout and she was back to being the golden girl that she is the rest of the time. The second time, which happened a couple of weeks after the first, was effective too. And just when I thought I had this whole disciplining and parenting thing under my belt, my daughter throws a googly!

At 18 months two timeouts, come the 19th month, timeout has become a joke. I had reserved time outs for only the big tantrums, the absolutely ugly bad behaviour instances. But this chit of a girl has gotten the better of me. Now, the minute I say Manya, No, she looks into my eye, and asks, Timeout? The first time she did it, I could have died of guilt - Was I being extra tough? Did she hate me for it? Aww, my poor baby, I hugged her tight and told her that timeout was not for everything, only when she was being a very very bad girl. She promptly went to her sippy cup and poured the water onto the carpet, and again asked me, timeout? I swear I could have pulled all my hair out, but I forced myself to be gentle - so I told her yes, if she'd continue behaving like this timeout would be given. 

And then what my 19 month old toddler did, stunned me - she went to her room and banged the door shut and said timeout! She played for a couple of minutes and came out as if nothing had happened. 

As if this was not enough, one day Vish came home tired and she kept on pouncing at his cell phone, when he gave her one of those rare annoyed looks - she closed the door on him and said, timeout!

Now, close to 20 months, this is our situation - for every small thing, from morning to night, he keeps asking me, timeout? I try ignoring her and the one or two times that I say yes, she goes off on her own. So, when she is actually behaving badly, I am at a loss of what to do - there is no long term benefit of giving a timeout - she continues to behave as badly as ever irrespective of the timeout! 

What takes the cake away is that the other day I saw her fussing for a piggy bank at a store - my mommy instinct told me this was going to quickly turn into a full blown tantrum - so I gave her my gravest look ever - and you know what she did - she said, timeout? I said yes, at home, if you behave like this we are going for a timeout, okay? And she coolly looks at me, and says, okay. And continues to demand for the piggy bank! WTF. I have never felt so helpless!!!

So, what do we do now? I take a timeout instead! 

Any experienced parents who'd like to guide us here? 

First Flight!

(P.S. I am trying to tick off the long list of overdue posts. But thought of starting with this.)

So, like I mentioned in my earlier post, we moved from Virginia to Portland at the end of last month - it was a close to a 6 hour flight - thankfully (or not) non-stop. And it was M's first flight ever!! Ever since M was born, we have somehow always postponed any long distance vacation plans for some reason or the other but finally the inevitable became evitable. Weeks in advance I started talking to Manya about the move in general and the flight journey in particular. We don't know how much of it she really understood but if you asked her where are you moving to, pat would come the reply - Potand (her version of Portland). Then if you would asked her, how will you go, she'd say Ayhpaayne (airplane) - and shaking her head vigorously she'd tell you, 'Faaah vehyy vehhy faah' (far, very very far.)

And then came the actual day that started on a great note. M was elated at the airport - all the planes, so many people to wave to and talk to (by this time you do know that her highness is a social butterfly), TSA agents to play peek-a-boo with (yes, yes, she actually played peek-a-boo as we were being screened), lot of space to run around. With the result by the time we actually boarded the flight, the poor thing was fast asleep! She did not stir when we boarded or got seated or even when the plane took off! All this seemed to good to be true and as I browsed through Facebook using the in-flight wi-fi, I had those warning bells in my head going strong. 

A mother's instinct is never wrong (aah, well mostly) - about an hour into the flight, Madame M wakes up and looking at all of us in our seats - with the window open with a view of the sky - she just panicked! From then on was perhaps a nightmarish flight for us the parents and a few people around (though I must make a mention that everybody was so very supportive - no irritable glances or WTF expressions thrown our way - mostly elderly crowd who kept on cheering us up and told us she was doing great even as we were on the verge of losing our patience completely!) 

While Manya didn't exactly howl her lungs out - I am sure in all the din of an aircraft only one or two rows in front of us and next to us would be able to hear her - but as her initial cries gave way to some sobbing and then the most annoying thing of it all - constant whining. She kept on tugging at Vish and me and telling us - "Get up, Get out, no airplane, car driving". She went on an infinite loop with these phrases - God I'd give anything to jump out of the window at that time! Imagine for four hours, every 10 minutes to listen to that! No options for distracting her worked - books, coloring, even the tablet! What finally did work was I handed her the baby wipes which she pulled out and began profusely cleaning the seats, the food tray, her self, her shoes with it - wow! I wondered why didn't this idea strike me in the beginning!

Like all good things, nightmares also come to an end. Fortunately for us, we landed half an hour before time (we joked with our co-passengers that the pilot had also had enough of M), and the minute the wheels touched the ground M was back to her cheerful self - after which she tried to compensate by being extra patient :). Aww, poor little girl.

We have an India trip coming up in the year end - that is a 26 hour haul start to end with two layovers and a total flying time of about 18-19 hours. And what is better news is that I will be flying alone with M. That will be some experience and I already can feel my head spin thinking about  it - but what must be done has to be done. Here's what I plan to do differently this time - try to keep her awake at boarding and take off, get her used to some basic apps on the iPAd and get her use to some baby earphones, take more coloring, sticker options along, take an extra box of baby wipes for her to clean everything (I am serious) - what suggestions do you have?

Mommy is not being lazy!

I am sure if M could read, she'd nod her head in disapproval at the lack of posts on this blog and she'd definitely reiterate what she keeps egging me on with these days - get up, lazy - please, lazy - she suffixes lazy when telling me something to do so many times that I actually shout back saying I am not lazy!

So, if mommy is not being lazy - what has she been busy doing - well we just moved - bag and baggage - to the west coast all the way from the east. It has been a crazy month and we are yet to settle down - as they say! You can read more about the first impressions in my blog post here. 

I have like a trillion updates pending - some from before our move - and some from the move (I am sure you are dying to know all about the nightmare Madame's first flight experience was) - and a few from our brief stay here in Portland! I will have all of these coming in the next few days, I promise!

M at 18 months!

We are well into the path that leads us to the Terrible Twos! Our chipmunk is a volcano of activities and has new tricks and words up her sleeve almost every single day - It is actually getting tough to keep account of all these sweet nothings and terrifying naughtiness!!

Let's see what all I can remember!

• I have to start with M's vocabulary - It is growing by leaps and bounds - she picks up new words all the time - like a little sponge absorbing everything, She has started applying the words in context and can hold a conversation with one word and two-word phrases. I must do a post on the kind of conversations we have. Up next!

• She runs all over the place, climbs over chairs and tables, threatens to dive down and then jumps up and down as onlookers suffer panic attacks. She makes Vish or me lie down on our backs and then mauls us like no tomorrow - gosh - I wonder where all the energy comes from.

• As always our skinny and leggy baby is very conscious of what she eats - greens, fruits being her favorites. Apart from cheese anything remotely fattening does not suit her taste buds! I am done getting worried now - there's only so much one can worry!

• We have started going for walks and to the park very regularly now _ I must do another post on all the fun we have! Our very social diva stops to wave hi at every single person and vehicle. Dogs get a hug too!

• M has started playing independently a lot more. She does various pretend-and-play sessions with her soft toys and doll. Loves the shape sorter activity and her wooden puzzles too. I think she just might be read for more dolls, kitchen sets and the likes! Which reminds me she does have an airplane but needs cars - she has been showing a growing fondness for them!

• Generally a happy and affectionate kid, she has still not gotten over her stranger anxiety - some days she is great - some days there's downright bawling. The latter happens more often when we visit peoples' houses. However, after the first 15 minutes or so, she warms up pretty well.

• Now the tantrums  - Madame does have quite the temper. She walks away in anger if she doesn't like what I am telling her. She sometimes throws herself on the floor crying - though this has reduced quite a bit because she knows that way she is not getting anything that way (fingers crossed now). Most times, she is very persistent with what she wants and does not get distracted easily. Also, since she has the language advantage, it is very difficult for me to pretend as if I don't get what she's saying :D. I mean if someone's screaming "water - play" - anybody would put 2 and 2 together ;)!

• We need to now get some non-toxic paints and crayons to engage her more constructively - she has done enough of sorting potatoes and onions, arranging diapers, unloading dishes, laundry, and "cooking" :). 

Phew - I think that's about it. I just realized I need to write up a couple of posts else I'll lose lot of the small details to memory. Soon. Soon.

Mother's Day Special: Confessions of a Toddler's Mommy!

It is not easy being a mommy and it is almost impossible to be that perfect mommy - the one who doesn't raise her voice at her kids, is patient - always, is immaculate herself and sets the perfect personal example, whips up yummy but all healthy and organic food for her children, the children love her, there are no tantrums, no yelling, and there is utopia. 

As I struggle to beat the ideal mommy, I fall, and slip, and stumble - most of the times - and yet we seem to be getting by. So, here are some confessions I have to make this Mother's day as a mommy to a (terrific, umm, terrible, umm terrifying) toddler:

• Every night I promise myself that how many times M gets up in the night, I will not yell at her. But, exactly at 3:00AM when she gets up demanding a bath or a book read, and in that very irritable voice I shout - Manya it is still night - SLEEP!

• I many a times don't bother putting things back in their place after M has created havoc - I mean who cleans the doorway between snow storms. Why bother!

• I always eat my meals before M. Else I don't have the energy to sing and dance at every spoonfuls of hers.

• Because I want M to have healthy eating habits, I eat noodles (Maggi), chocolates etc. on the sly - when she is not looking or sleeping. :o:O. I also do that because I don't like sharing :D.

• I am guilty of having woken up M from her naps or sleep - just because I couldn't resist kissing her in her sleep. :(.

• What is worse than the above is that I am guilty of getting annoyed when she wakes up even though I had been the cause for it. :( :(.

• Whenever I really want two minutes to myself - to have my meal in peace or blog or anything, I allow her to play with water in the kitchen and make all the mess she wants - It is a different matter that the time I spend cleaning up is often much more than the time I get to myself.

• Like all good parents I vow to watch my language in front of her - but when she calls me a "silly goose" and "lazy", I realize I can never be too careful.

• I hate comparisons with other kids on development milestones etc. - yet every once in a while I am stupid enough to Google stuff like "My 17 month old does not put the stacking rings in order. Should I be worried?" Or every week I try to search this phrase "My daughter does not chew food that is semi mashed - it should either be completely blended or completely dry, else she throws up. Is this okay?" It doesn't matter sometimes what the doc says, huh?

• I have always hoped and wanted to be one of those super cool mommies who don't make a big hullabaloo out of every small parenting issue - who take motherhood in its stride - yet 11 AM and no poop is like the biggest problem on the face of this earth. The next is 4 hours and no food or milk intake. And god forbid, there is a puke session - it is like my blood pressure hits the roof with worry. God, I swear my hair is already greying!

• Very religiously, I try to serve the healthiest of meal choices to M - organic spinach with lentils, butternut squash soup, avocado and berry smoothie - but at other times when I am cooking and need her to be distracted so she is not constantly tugging at me - I end up giving Cheerios or even those horrible store bought cookies to her!

• Any mom would be delighted to have her child engage himself/herself independently - but I fail here too. For the first 5 minutes I am in denial and wait for her to come whining back to me. The next 10 minutes I feel so happy and wonder what all I can accomplish. The next 5 minutes I spend feeling bad - what is the use of me being at home if she has to be so quiet all by herself. The 21st minute, I go and hug and her and ask her if she wants me to play with her or read to her. Half an hour later, when I have read the same book over and over again atleast 10 times - I kick myself for having interrupted her unnecessarily!

• Then there are days when M just behaves so badly, and she gets the royal ignore from me and a semi-timeout and when she's all cool and collected and I am still ignoring her, she comes upto me and in hermost cheerful of voices says, "Hi, hug!". And I end up feeling like the worst mommy in this whole big world!

• And finally, I crib and I crib saying I don't get time for anything and am occupied 24/7 with M's chores - the truth is - that she does nap, she does sleep early, and she does play on her own for a couple of minutes at a stretch at various points during the day - but then when she is not around - I just throw my legs up and snuggle with some reading or day dreaming  and then hustle and bustle with all the chores when she is up and about ;). 

So, fellow mommies - what do you feel guilty about?

Blogging Award

Oh, how did I fail to mention that this mommy blog of mine was placed among the Top 5 parenting blogs from India by Blogadda.com! Here's the link.

Thank you Manya - it's all because of you! Quite literally!

17 reasons my 17-month-old has had meltdowns!

M has been showing us her fiery side more often than not. Her temper tantrums aside, we have lately had some tearful meltdowns for the silliest of reasons - I mean I have wanted to shake her and tell her that life is much more cruel and worse, and tears should be saved for that. (Yes, I try to remember that she is only 17 months old :(.) 

Here are some of the most inane crying episodes by our feisty lady in the last couple of weeks:

• She pinched me so hard and I shouted, "Ouch, that hurts so bad!" That's it, she started howling, "hurt", "hurt", with spurious tears rolling down those cheeks. Apparently, I can't say I was hurt. Only she can get hurt. And so, even though I was hurting, I had to say sorry! WTF!

• M plays a lot with her soft toys and walks them and pats them to sleep. Now, she has this big plastic ride on puppy toy that has wheels - she spent some 15 minutes trying to place it in a sleeping position but obviously couldn't - imagine putting a tricycle to sleep. After that she cried in frustration, shouting, "shleep, shleep", and looked at me with tears in her eyes, "peppe no shleep". Gosh, I wanted to tell her that's exactly how I feel when you don't go to sleep. 

• At some random time during the day, she brings the phone to me and says, "call". I was like there's nobody to call - I don't want to talk to anybody. That was enough for a tantrum to happen. She burst into tears, "call, talk".  I spent the next 15 minutes talking on a phone with nobody on the other end while her highness kept on looking at me and smiling. Seriously, WTF.

• The brat just needs an excuse for a crying session so that she can abandon her meals (read more about this in my post here). She wants me to feed her doll. And I always oblige. But the other day, she threw a fit because the doll was not eating. I had put some of her food on the doll's mouth, and she was crying at the doll - "eat, eat." (looks like she clearly understands the emotion I go through when she does not eat :P).

• The dog that she came to look at, at the window, left without saying "bow bow" - so the next 10 minutes were spent crying "bow bow, bow bow"

• She got up at 4 in the morning and shouted "bath bath". When I firmly said "no bath", we had a 15 minute crying session.

• She cried when I was walking with her in my lap, patting her to sleep, because she was shouting "hug, hug" (more hug stories here). And I was shouting back, I am already hugging you, you silly goose".

• Another tryst with her toys: she cried because "Polo" wouldn't "shit (sit)", only "shleep". The soft toy ( a baby polar bear) is made in such a way that it looks like it's on all fours - but she was trying to balance it on its non existent bum!

• Her highness has a skewed fashion sense. She cried her heart out because I did not let her wear mismatched pair of shoes - on hindsight, I could have avoided this meltdown by just letting her wear it - big deal, no?

• One more crying session because the heart shape wouldn't go through the triangle shape in her activity toy. I tried showing her the slot for the heart shape but no, she was going on trying to put it through the triangle slot (and crying and crying).

• She also cried because I did not let her put her sippy cup upside down and spill the milk on the carpet.  

• A violent crying session happened because Vish had closed the door on her as he was working from home and had to take a call.

• We cry everyday because we don't want the bath time to end - ever because ducky or a leg or an arm would still be "dirty".

• Another recurrent crying session is because mommy refuses to read the same story for the 159th time in the day.

• And also because the mean mommy refuses to sing that stupid nursery rhyme for the 248th time in the day.

• One big reason for an at-will meltdown is because the trash can is locked away before she can get her hands on it.

• And finally, we end up crying, because we have been crying and because we have forgotten the real reason why we started crying - and so there is so much confusion, so we cry some more.

At this rate, I might just go bald pulling my hair in frustration, even before the terrible twos begin!

HUG!

[Warning: This post is loaded with the "awwww" factor" :D.]

So Manya has really been picking up words - she's still ofcourse on the one word at a time communication stage - no phrases yet (and I believe that is a long way to go) but she sure has mastered the skill of getting her point across. For example, "Out", "Walk", "Play", "Book" (which means I should read to her), "See" (This is when I exasperatedly ask her what do you want to do - the cheeky brat says "See".), and so on. 

The cutest of these is of course is HUG, which basically means she is asking, nay, demanding to be hugged that very moment. This happens several times a day, and please note the smart pants' timing:

• She needs a hug when she wants to abandon her meal midway. (See this post on what other things she does for this.)

• She wants a hug when I am putting her to sleep - now try hugging a baby when she is already in your lap and you are walking with her. I explain (rather scream) to her that I am already hugging her but no - looks like there is a difference.

• She definitely wants a hug if her sleep gets disturbed at some god forsaken hour in the night.

• Just when I begin to eat or drink something, her highness comes demanding a hug.

• If I am at the laptop, hugs shall be needed every 3 minutes.

• Hug is also a topic changing strategy. If I start telling her a story that she doesn't want to hear or engage her in some activity that doesn't interest her, she cuts me midway and says hug.

• If I am talking on a phone, there is no way she can stay without the hug.

• Hug is also apparently a symbol of peace - a white flag that she hoists. If she is upto something that she isn't supposed and I happen to catch her, she quickly, in the cutest of tones, will say, hug. Ditto if I raise my volume or say NO.

If that is not all, the hug is said in the most endearing manner that try as much as I to convince myself that she is faking all the cuteness to get her way, I still cannot resist hugging her. What a drama queen we have, I tell you!

6 reasons M abandons her meal midway...

I am beginning to realize motherhood is the craziest job ever. I swear to god I have aged a few decades in the last few months. Here is an example post. My size zero daughter who is a very poor eater, comes up with new tactics everyday to abandon her meals. And no, it is not lack of hunger, I am sure.

Here are the top 6 reasons why my 16 month old has to get up and leave her high chair/place of eating (and ofcourse, stop eating):

• She wants a hug. I'll be approaching her with a spoon and she will scream "HUG", "HUG" - and it cannot be a sideways hug. I must remove her from her high chair, hug her nicely - and that's the end of the meal. (P.S. I am with her 24/7 and we have all the time to hug but looks like such affection is needed most at meal time.)

• She says she has done potty. A couple of spoonfuls, and she will hold her diaper and say "potty", "potty". I take her off the chair and check - and as expected, there is no poop! She squeals with joy as she knows her trick has worked for the umpteenth time!

• She feels the food is too hot for her. And before you even attempt to justify her shouting "HOT", "HOT", at every bite - let me tell you she does that even if it's yogurt!

• She wants to read a book right then. And I try to work around this, by placing the book on her tray and reading it but she squirms - she wants my full attention - no stealing spoonfuls here and there.

• She is sleepy. It doesn't matter whether it is her nap time or not or whether she is really sleepy or not. She'll start saying, "shleep, shleep", and patting herself - Her eyes will be drooping and no way will that mouth open for another bite. And voila, once out and about, the freakin' "shleep" goes out of the window!

• She is hurt. She holds some random body part - and points to one tiny area and keeps saying in a very emotional tone, "hurt, hurt". I swear, there is never ever any hurt.

At this rate, I will soon be asking for best hair dye options :( :(.

Oh my cutie, what should I feed thee?

Breast is best, they said.
But others insisted formula must be fed.

Solids after 6 months, many were sure.
Others, after 3 months, raised a furor.

And how we sorted the first foods:
Rice cereal was empty carbs;
Fruits would encourage a sweet tooth;
Veggies too tasteless for those tiny buds;
Lentils on the new plumbing would be tough.

That was not all,
Organic or not,
Boiled or steamed
Blended, mashed, or bites.
Oh no end to the sugar, salt, n honey fights.

Then the stage was set at one -
Cow's milk to be fed to the hun.
Some claimed that was unnecessary;
Vegan upbringing was the best.
Others said fresh from the cow's shed.
Pasteurized milk had no good bacteria;
Raw milk had the good AND the bad bacteria.

Good lord, I had never imagined solid feeding
Would be a constant battle I'd be fighting.

So the question is, with all these confusions - this and that
What does my lovely daughter have for meals and snack?
Well, she's made my life fairly simple -
Her highness refuses to eat at all.

She thinks meals are a waste of time,
And she'd rather toss a ball outside.
And then on some days, she's under the weather,
Or it is the infamous teething monster.
If nothing else, my doc insists,
It is the fussy toddler phase!

(No, I haven't lost my sanity yet
Though I think I am tempting fate.)