For the second year in a row, M (who is in Grade 1 now) came home with a flyer for a mini cheer leading clinic being hosted by the school district.
As a parent, life is tough. It becomes even more difficult when you are bringing up your kid in a geographically, and more importantly, culturally very different place. Add to that the changing times, generation gap, lack of adequate familiar structures to lean on, and sometimes you feel you'd be better be off marooned on an island.
But I digress...
So last year the final game timings were all late night and we gave that excuse to distract her from the flyer. This time, I took the bull by the horn. I sat her down and had a conversation I'd much rather have with an older kid but what do they say about desperate times and desperate measures..
This is exactly what I told her.
"You are such a wonderful and delightful child - whatever you choose to do and put your heart and soul into, you are more than likely to succeed and excel. As an individual you have full right to choose your likes, your activities, your passions. However, also because you are only 6, I feel, as your parents it is our responsibility to steer you away from what we feel is inherently not right. I'll try to say what I want to in as simple a way I can but you might not understand all of it or appreciate it and it is okay. We can discuss all we want - don't feel pressurized into agreeing till you are somewhat convinced.
I as a person, and more so as a girl, do not approve of cheerleading in the form it is presented today. For starters, I don't understand why instead of a boys' sports team and a girls' cheerleading team, we can't have a girls' sports team as well. Two, why are their mostly only girl cheerleaders.I don't see boys cheerleading for girl' teams. For all the effort and time that goes into cheerleading, why can't more professional sports (including gymnastics) and dancing talents be pursued?"
We don't give enough credit to children's maturity. I was expecting M to quip with a "Mom but I love to dance and have fun - and I want to wear all those glamorous dresses and makeup." But she didn't. She patiently heard me out, gave it adequate thought and you know what she said? She said, "Mom, I think you are right - I mean if I want to dance I am sure you will let me. If I want to go cheer my school team or friends' team at the stadium, I am sure you will let me - why is cheerleading even there?"
I wanted to tell her it comes from a society that thinks oversexualization of women in the name of entertainment purposes is completely acceptable and even desirable. It comes from a society where women are still considered the weaker sex - expected to succeed in "supporting roles" - expected to cheer as the men go to war and games. It comes from a society where even after a much publicized #MeToo movement, locker room conversations and jock culture continue to be cool. It comes from a society where "having some fun" means bullying girls for their body types, objectifying them, and instilling inferiority complexes in young impressionable minds. It comes from a society that campaigns for more women in senior management and STEM, and advocates girls soccer and MMA teams, while handing them flyers for cheerleading clinics and not to their classmates with the penis.
But, you see, there's only so much a 6 year old can take. So I just told her that sometimes our institutions work in funny ways that do not do anything to empower us. And that is why we have to constantly question what we are doing and why.
Ofcourse every few days she comes back saying so and so is into cheerleading or so and so's sister is into cheerleadng and they enjoy it - and I simply smile and say good for them but you can use your time for something else - something more meaningful for you and me? And remember you dance your heart out - i'll buy you pom poms if I must. And I promise to drop you to the stadium for teams you want to cheer for. Will that work? And she smiles back and says yes. and I say a silent thank you to someone up above listening.
P.S. I am hearing a lot in defense of cheerleading. And I'll be glad to get your perspective on it too. I try to be open minded. But here's some more food for thought.
For those who argue that there are men cheer leaders too. Well, I do know that but that percentage is too low to take into account. I also know that cheerleading started off as a men's only activity. But unless you are telling me men wear revealing clothes and jiggle their privates with millions of spectators with the supposed aim to cheer for a team that is not even watching, don't bother.
The cheerleading is also a sport argument - Well, I understand cheer leading requires rigorous practice and is very demanding physically and there are some contests too - it is not a true sport. Unless you have heard of world number one cheer leader or Olympics cheerleading teams, again, don't bother. Put all that effort and compete in gymnastics baby - where you will be known for your individual sport and not as supporting spectacle. Not to mention you don't want to be in a "sport" where you are not only underpaid but have to accept sexual harassment and groping as "perks" of the job! Read
this.
Oh but what's the harm! Everybody does it for fun! Well, I don't know - some people kill for fun. Many years go there was no perceived harm in child marriages, bride burning, witch hunting. As a parent it is my duty to encourage my daughter to get the best of what this world has to offer and give her best - and surely there's more out there? No?
