On our Sunday walk this weekend...
M: Mom, why does this electric pole warning say the word buried - is somebody buried here?
Me: Oh no Manya - it reads electric lines buried - check before digging.
M: Oh I thought you used buried only for people.
Me: No ... anything that is under the ground could be buried.
M: Oh. Mom is there is a graveyard in our city?
Me: Yeah - most cities have cemeteries or graveyards. Ours has one too.
M: Hmm...so all dead people are buried in cemeteries?
Me: Actually, a lot depends on the culture or more so the religion you are born into. Christians and Muslims bury their dead. Hindus burn them - it's called cremation. And then the ashes are usually scattered in a holy river or a place of importance to the person...
M: So what are we again?
Me: Hindus..
M: Oh no, that is cruel. I would never want you or myself to burn.
Me: Manya you have to understand the context - anyways once one is dead they can't feel the "burn". Hindus essentially believe that only the body dies, the soul lives on. So cremating sets the soul free and the body is believed to have come from ashes and returned to ashes. Also, in hinduism, fire is supposed to have a purifying power, something essential for rebirth, for life to continue...it's not really a symbol of destruction..
M: Hmmm. So when you die would you rather I burn you or bury you? I'd prefer to bury you - then I can visit you and have you close by...you know like Anne (of Green Gables) often visits Matthew Cuthbert's grave and plants roses and remembers him...
Me (amused at the inherent presumption of the necessity of death in the question): Umm, I think I'd rather be cremated...you know set free...
M: Okay, and what would I do with your ashes...
Me: Umm, let me think...
M (after great thought and with absolute earnestness): I know, I'll keep a little with myself always - and I will eat some so you will become a part of me...
Me (not oblivious to the morbidity of the conversation, a little emotional at her intent at an ever elusive "forever" and genuinine introspection): Umm keep a little of me with you for sure - but I am and always will be a part of you...irrespective of whether you choose to keep me with you or not - and you surely don't have to consume my ashes.
M: Okay..but I want to have some of your ashes and you know I have an idea what I'll do with the rest. I will sprinkle them in your favorite places...outside your parents' home, in all the pretty beaches, in the mountains. And some I will sprinkle at places that I visit and find very beautiful - so there will be a little of you in all the beautiful places.
Me: I think that is an awesome idea. I couldn't have thought of anything better. This covers it all. Nothing would make me happier.
M: When do you think will be the right time for you to die? I want you to die of old age at 103.
Me: There is no right time to die - we human biengs are inherently greedy - we always want a little more and a little more and a little more. Maybe I'll be at peace when you are well settled in your own independent life - are done with your education, have a career...
M: And you need to meet my daughters too..
Me: Yes and then there is that....but I am confident that you'll take charge of your life and always do what is right and good and I'll always be proud.
M (brushing away emotions in a very mature manner): 103 will be fine mom.
Me: Sure!
(We have reached home by now.. and M rushes to Vish, who has ofcourse no clue to what conversations we have been having...)
M: Daddy, would you like to be burnt or buried? And if burnt, what should I do with your ashes?
Vish (with that look screaming "now what the F#$% is this about"): Umm...what...where...umm...
M: Oh daddy...
(and then she spends the next hour and more debriefing him, after which it's settled in a quick minute that he wants to be one with the mountains and the family settles down for a round of icecream because inspite of the inevitability of the end and the bitterness that underlines it, life must be celebrated for the aching sweetness it brings :))
-----
Update: And this is why I love blogging, I just realized that 4 years ago we also had a conversation on the subject of death - Read it here. It will be fun to see how our conversations continue to meander as she grows :)
M: Mom, why does this electric pole warning say the word buried - is somebody buried here?
Me: Oh no Manya - it reads electric lines buried - check before digging.
M: Oh I thought you used buried only for people.
Me: No ... anything that is under the ground could be buried.
M: Oh. Mom is there is a graveyard in our city?
Me: Yeah - most cities have cemeteries or graveyards. Ours has one too.
M: Hmm...so all dead people are buried in cemeteries?
Me: Actually, a lot depends on the culture or more so the religion you are born into. Christians and Muslims bury their dead. Hindus burn them - it's called cremation. And then the ashes are usually scattered in a holy river or a place of importance to the person...
M: So what are we again?
Me: Hindus..
M: Oh no, that is cruel. I would never want you or myself to burn.
Me: Manya you have to understand the context - anyways once one is dead they can't feel the "burn". Hindus essentially believe that only the body dies, the soul lives on. So cremating sets the soul free and the body is believed to have come from ashes and returned to ashes. Also, in hinduism, fire is supposed to have a purifying power, something essential for rebirth, for life to continue...it's not really a symbol of destruction..
M: Hmmm. So when you die would you rather I burn you or bury you? I'd prefer to bury you - then I can visit you and have you close by...you know like Anne (of Green Gables) often visits Matthew Cuthbert's grave and plants roses and remembers him...
Me (amused at the inherent presumption of the necessity of death in the question): Umm, I think I'd rather be cremated...you know set free...
M: Okay, and what would I do with your ashes...
Me: Umm, let me think...
M (after great thought and with absolute earnestness): I know, I'll keep a little with myself always - and I will eat some so you will become a part of me...
Me (not oblivious to the morbidity of the conversation, a little emotional at her intent at an ever elusive "forever" and genuinine introspection): Umm keep a little of me with you for sure - but I am and always will be a part of you...irrespective of whether you choose to keep me with you or not - and you surely don't have to consume my ashes.
M: Okay..but I want to have some of your ashes and you know I have an idea what I'll do with the rest. I will sprinkle them in your favorite places...outside your parents' home, in all the pretty beaches, in the mountains. And some I will sprinkle at places that I visit and find very beautiful - so there will be a little of you in all the beautiful places.
Me: I think that is an awesome idea. I couldn't have thought of anything better. This covers it all. Nothing would make me happier.
M: When do you think will be the right time for you to die? I want you to die of old age at 103.
Me: There is no right time to die - we human biengs are inherently greedy - we always want a little more and a little more and a little more. Maybe I'll be at peace when you are well settled in your own independent life - are done with your education, have a career...
M: And you need to meet my daughters too..
Me: Yes and then there is that....but I am confident that you'll take charge of your life and always do what is right and good and I'll always be proud.
M (brushing away emotions in a very mature manner): 103 will be fine mom.
Me: Sure!
(We have reached home by now.. and M rushes to Vish, who has ofcourse no clue to what conversations we have been having...)
M: Daddy, would you like to be burnt or buried? And if burnt, what should I do with your ashes?
Vish (with that look screaming "now what the F#$% is this about"): Umm...what...where...umm...
M: Oh daddy...
(and then she spends the next hour and more debriefing him, after which it's settled in a quick minute that he wants to be one with the mountains and the family settles down for a round of icecream because inspite of the inevitability of the end and the bitterness that underlines it, life must be celebrated for the aching sweetness it brings :))
-----
Update: And this is why I love blogging, I just realized that 4 years ago we also had a conversation on the subject of death - Read it here. It will be fun to see how our conversations continue to meander as she grows :)
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