One and done!

Though it is no longer a rarity, the idea of a single kid family is still met with raised eyebrows - especially if the decision is out of choice. And we will get into more of that later but first the why.

There is no really convincing why honestly - I have seen couples make this decision out of finanacial considerations, or because moms don't want to put a hold on their career a second time, or they simply think they are too old etc etc. Different strokes for different people. But let me focus on our case. 

When family members and friends have enquired, depending on how the questions has been put forward I have been either frank and honest or defensive - none of your business really! As I have gained more white strands than I would like, I have realized this line of questioning in any manner does not aggravate me any longer. Maybe because I am now surer of my choice and myself? 

Let's start this at the very beginning. I love kids! I absolutely have adored the tiny version of my brother, all the teeny weeny cousins that followed and the nephews and the nieces. When it came to a family of my own I was very sure I wanted atleast two of my own - all before I touched 30. But life had other plans - I had my lovely munchkin at 29. The sleepless nights and the zombie days that followed, I was convinced I was not cut out for this mothering s@#$. I swear I remember laying awake at night and thinking I had read the signs all wrong - turns out after all I am not a kid person.

In the next two years, I started feeling more like a real mother than an imposter who was faking it all - the conversations at home about a second one got more intense. We thought we should start trying after M turns three-three and a half. I'd be more experienced and she'd be less needy. But guess what happened when missy turned that age - she was potty trained, no diapers, no night feedings, no 100 ton snack and diaper bag needed always; we could pack her and ourselves at short notice and travel. Travel. We realized we have such a happy camper and an absolutely cooperative trooper - cross country flights, flights over the atlantic, jet lag, endless hours in the car and she'd still be cheery. (Knock on wood) It seemed all too perfect to change the dynamics. Suddenly, I was not looking forward to another two years of being a 24 hour all you can have milk bar, endless diapering, and all the sleeplessness all over again. We had really hit a very very sweet spot and didn't want more. And that is it. The fact is we are content and our hearts full. Also the emotional angle cannot be forsaken. The good days were plenty and great but the down days were there too and on those days one predominant thought would come to me was often thank god there's only one who is sick or jet lagged or going thru some phase or the other. Clearly one is all the energy and patience I had for and I embraced it. I did not look forward to being the super mom juggling never ending schedules and appointments and what not. I still do not. But that is for me. I do not judge who wants to have kids and how many or if any at all. God knows I still love kids. Adore all my friends' littles and love and respect those who decided to have more than one or not. 

However organic, honest and real our decision making sounds to us, it's often met with but you are being selfish, but your child will be lonely, but your child will not know how to share and love, but this and but that. If I was writing this post even two years ago, I'd be tempted to post research and articles defending my choice but that would be naive of me. I never referred to those to make my decision - it just happened. So now, I just good naturedly respond to the naysayers and multibaby boomers hey guess we'll just see. I am happy with my decision and that's all that matters. 

Manya used to often say she wants a sibling and that is one guilt that stirs ever so often in my core because I know she would make a great sibling. But I brush it away - for my own sanity - I love functioning within my known capacity limits and have been totaly honest with Manya about it. Added to that I think being a total Type A, my need to be in full control of specific situations, the better half's extremely hectic work days and schedule, I find the thought of being outnumbered by my kids truly daunting ;).  I have confessed to M in so many words, "You complete us so thoroughly that we don't feel the need for another child. Yes, I am sure it would be delightful to have one of your own, a forever friend, a sibling - but mommy and daddy could only manage so much so here you are." When she was 4, one of the moms at her preschool told me that she said, "babies are hard work and my mom doesn't want to work hard enough." Ouch can't say that didn't hurt but got to give the kid A for perception!

They often say that if you feel an aching anticipation in your heart when you see a baby that means you really want one, and while I absolutely enjoy babies, I am ever so glad to give them back to their moms. When I see a baby I see a bundle of joy, albeit a very heavy one, one that requires a lot of endless work and responsibility ;).