Officially a "tween"!

Or that's what M proclaimed quite proudly this morning. The hurricane is 11 and continuing to turn our lives upside down!

I can begin to distinctly see mood changes or moody behavior. I used to think your kids always smell sweet to you till our pediatrician amusingly told me oh, you'll know! And oh yes, I do know now. :)

But the quintessential mature Manya - the one I can bank on to have my back in an emergency or an urgency, the one who makes the best travel companion, the one who is quick to compromise for the best in the situation, the one who just knows how to make you feel better - that quintessential daughter of mine just continues to shine thru the tantrums and the tween angst - fingers crossed! We have the trial by fire (teenage) awaiting us!

Manya and I are almost the same length, breadth and width now so it is part fun and part annoying stealing each other's shoes, clothes, accessories - as she wears my denims and i try to pull off her high waisted cargoes with cropped sweat shirts - shopping has gotten much more exciting for sure - the one time we are all buddy buddy with no fighting!

She continues to be a champ at school as always. For after school activities, we have closed doors to horse riding and gymnastics. It's piano (she's onto her 5th year now!), coding, and swimming for now.

Love you to bits Manya, continue rocking!

First solo trip (5th Grade Camp)

A mighty first this one. M's school offers a 2-night-3-day camp at a YMCA facility somewhere in the boonies (I am kidding, it's a popular spot) for all fifth graders. 

Manya has always been an independent kid - I mean her first day at play school or preschool or Kindergarten has never ever been one with distraught - she has been happy and well adjusted from day 1 and is mostly not weary of strange places or people - and having already had her sleepover in October last year, I knew she was more than ready.

Earlier this year in May, she had come from school with all the forms etc - super excited and with a strict instruction that I should not volunteer. Honestly, I was not even sure if I wanted to - but once she was so clear she didn't want me to - the decision was made. It was an easy one - putting myself in her shoes - I wouldn't want my parents on a trip with friends :). Ofcourse I did tease her and gave her some good natured grief on what she was planning to do in my absence :).

Fast forward to Monday last week and the day had come. But let's rewind to the weekend - oh my god - I just about held it together - not from sadness but madness - the kid has actually gone on me when it comes to packing overpacking. I did not know that that was a trait genetically bequeathed :). Fyi, my mom's an overpacker too. Anyways, she was packing two towels, two swim suits, 4 pairs of shorts, 3 pairs of joggers, eight pairs of tops, two pairs of pjs and the list goes on (the list of toileteries alone was mind boggling: face wash, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss - wtf flosses on camp? - face moisturiser for day, face moisturiser for night, body moisturizer, sunscreen for face, sunscreen for body, etc etc etc).  I asked her if she had plans beyond the camp because the rest of the school was going only for two nights. I learnt another fact, it is easy to cut down other's stuff than your own - so we went to war and finally reached a somewhat mutually happy packing list. 

This was also a mighty first for me. Vish's business trip coincided with the camp dates so I was home alone for two nights for the first time in 11 years!! Has to be a record of sorts. While I knew I'd miss my girl, I also chose to make the most of it. The first day straight after dropping her, I filled my gas tank up and drove to two remote outlet malls that I had always been wanting to go but never did - I drove 160 miles that day! Came home at 8 and slept soon after. The morning felt so weird - so quite, so long - that's the day I relearned that a day has 24 hours. I made myself a hearty breakfast and got to work (side note: I work on the district pta council board and there's always so much to do :). I had to edit web pages, create content, plan a program - all of that I accomplished on one single day. Heck, I even had time to update both my blogs :). I exercised and crashed early - no point messing with beauty sleep. The next morning I was kinda done being on my own :) I was missing the warm morning snuggles and cuddles, the incessant conversations - just her voice! Night 2 over and Day 3 had begun and it was time to bring her home - after a lovely brunch with my mommy friends, picked Manya up in the afternoon.

And after the first hugs and kisses and the first two hours of non-stop story telling I realized maybe I was too quick to feel so desolate in the morning :D :P - no I am kidding - but as we started winding down for the night one thing was for certain I had missed having this kitten in the house - alas there will be more days than less when she'll be on her own and all that I would ever want would be that she is happy and safe :).

As for Manya's side of the story, she had a blast, as expected - she says she was a little homesick at mealtimes and bedtimes. I knew bedtimes were going to be a challenge - apparently she hardly slept. At meal times she said "it was weird to not see you or hear your voice at all the whole day and then when I would sit down to eat with so many people I'd miss you". She was very quick to add that the rest of the times it was pure fun and she did not miss us one wee bit :);

First Day of Fifth Grade and Last Year of Elementary

I think I should rename this blog to "Time Flies". It seems just like yesterday that I was worrying aout Manya going to a full day Kindergarten in a new city with nobody she'd know. While loooking for homes to buy, the middle shcool didn't even feature in our conversations and guess what, we are here already. 

Too cool to pose for mom. Sassier, leggier. More spicy than sweet. Ms. Big-Know-It-All.

Me: I love you Manya, have a great year and a great day.

M: Don’t be sappy mom, I love you too!

Parenting a "tween"

 I shared a funny quote on FB today. It goes: "My favorite thing about being a parent is being told I am wrong constantly by someone who is dependent on me for food, clothing and shelter."

It is hilarious but quite aptly sums up what I am going through these days with Manya. The first things out of her mouth after I am done talking are usually "No" or "Mom but you don't know", "You won't understand" or simply, "you are wrong". Like seriously, where is my lovely baby who looked up to me for answers on everyhing. I guess the years ahead are only going to get more difficult and this is just the preview. Humor helps. The song these days I absolutely love to annoy Manya with is here for you:

This ship has sailed!

 Anybody else feel like they can’t keep up with their 10 year old’s lingo!

M: Mom, do you know a lot of kids in class are shipping for so and so and so and so (insert two names)..

Me: Shipping for meaning? Shipping where?

M: MOOOOMMM - shipping - as in romantically connecting

Me: Seriously they say shipping these days??? That’s so suss!!! (Fyi, suss is what I learnt last year to mean suspicious apparently)

M: Mom, don’t try to be cool! Using suss and all!

Me: Bruh!

M: MOoom don’t do that! It doesn’t suit you!

Me: do you also want me to ship?

M: mom you are impossible!

Me:

Mom needs AI babies!

 M: So mom I was reading somewhere that sometime in the future AI would make it possible for you to choose characteristics of your baby - not just physical ones but how much intelligence, kindness, empathy etc etc

Me: yep, have read bits and pieces here and there myself - sounds scary to me honestly - controlling human life like that.

M: Well - so tell me how much intelligence would you give me if you could make that decision.

Me: I don’t know - I think I would opt out of coding you - I’d just let you be - because else what individuality is left.

M: Hmm, so in a world where every parent is giving that advantage to their kid, you will choose to not give me that advantage - so you choose to give me a disadvantage.

Me (forced to give this more thought at bedtime than I would like): Hmm you make a very interesting point.

M: even today when you can’t code me you still expose me to books, experiences - you take me to the doc, give me shots, lecture me…you dont really let me just be … so how do you decide what advantages to give me and what not.

Me: I am impressed by your ability to think so deep on this - you are right - If everybody is coding their kid to be super intelligent… would I be pressurized to do the same - perhaps … but to what extent - what are we making then - human kids or robots … at that time I don’t know how my thinking will be influenced - it’s too hypothetical at this point anyways.

M: right - nobody has the right answers to everything. We ourselves don’t always know what’s best all the time.

Me: true…

M: that’s why you have to be patient - and not have so many expectations

Me (totally taken aback with the change in course of the conversation): what do you mean? I have minimum expectations…

M: well that’s what you think - I cant go to school, be regular with work, be well behaved, aaannnnd also keep my room clean.

Me (fast catching on and quite annoyed): Manya it’s Sunday night and you haven’t cleaned you room have you. You cant find a few minutes once a week to tidy up?

M: mom you should have waited to have a kid till AI makes it possible to code your babies.

Me: that is so unfair!

M smirks. and I tell her it’s too late now anyways to change those decisions so might as well clean up. She sighs loudly and makes it clear that she disapproves. I don’t care - I’ll take anything - as long as that room is tidied up. Phew…

We are 10!

 Hello double digits. 

- We are 10 and we know it all. 

- Mom and Dad are no longer cool. 

- Friendships run strong.

- Other things not cool: Pink, Glitter, Frills

- What is very cool: Anime, Black - all shades of black :D, and all things Kawaii!

- Dream destination: Japan - because anime, duh!

- Roblox is the new Minecraft. 

- We stand tall and can't wait to surpass mom's height.

- Best co-traveller ever. Loves new experiences.

- A bit of that teenage whiny noise finds it's way and mom shuts it down immediately. 

- Overwhelming emotions sometimes - mostly when asked to clean the room.

- Horseriding, coding, gymnastics, swimming, piano - we do it all. Slave driver. Mom's the slave :D.

- We are still cuddly and snuggly but mostly at bedtime and in the morning. Any other time love yous or kisses are exchanged, mom's just sappy.

- We love writing fiction! Oh I am so proud of her writing. The genre is usually horror or something but the vocabulary and the plot complexities promise to keep you hooked!

- Fits into mom's shoes, steals mom's clothing even. 

Can't wait to see what the decade brings. Actually, scratch that, can wait :)

First sleepover!

We have been talking about sleepovers for sometime now - but no real plans had materialized - until yesterday!

Miss M got invited over for a sleepover at one of her bestie's place with another friend - so the three of them. And there didn't seem to be a reason to say no. The girls have been friends for a while - we know the families - a couple a of streets away - it was time to let go a little more...

And so we had another of a big big first - first sleep over with friends, first night away from mommy, mommy's first night away from baby - but it all went over so well. My one and only criteria was that we should know the family and since that box was checked I had no fear in my heart.

Manya came back today with a huge grin and heave eyes - ofcourse they had hardly slept. But it had been super fun for them and she dropped dead in bed at 5pm :).

Foot note: Mommy also survived her first night away quite well - Vish and I hit a local pub, watched a movie at home and had icecream in bed - something we have not done in forever :).

First day of Fourth Grade

 First day of fourth grade. And here’s how sassy and grown up we have become…

We do our customary pictures.

M: Mom these pictures are great for your records and posterity but can you not post them on any social media. Thank you.

Me: Umm okay but just so you know I have a secure account and share only with added friends.

M: That’s okay but you do know nothing is really safe once it’s out there somewhere. Didn’t you tell me the other day that even what I send on email remains somewhere for ever. And anyways it’s not even that - I just don’t want my pictures on your social media.

Me (sheepishly): Yeah sure, whatever. I respect your wishes. Will not post.

M: Also, let me know what you want for your birthday or i can take you out. My budget is very limited though.

Me: Noted. Thank you.

Phew. She is getting too big for her boots and already fits into my shoes. And no, I did not seek permission from her to post this conversation.

Happy first day of school to us!

Boys are good too!

 After school today…

Me: what’s new at school?

M: do you know what boy-a did today?

Me: no idea

M: he snapped his fingers at the teacher

Me: oh that wasn’t nice at all

M: no, but see that’s the thing with boys - they are not thinking

Me: uhuh

M: boy-a is not a bad guy but he just did it. Also did you know he has a crush on girl-a and everybody knows because he clearly needs help - but girl-a doesn’t know

Me: well that’s pointless he should just tell her - why this big drama

M: you don’t understand mom - he can’t just tell her - that’s a big step to take on your own.

Me: well it doesn’t matter either ways - I mean what’s a crush anyway / it’s like you like one person more than the others - what else!

M: yeah but eventually you might date then and end up marrying them - it all starts with a crush

Me: that’s nonsense - between crush and marriage lies an eternity - and nothing’s certain - people change, feelings change.

M: that’s true and anyways it’s does not seem very wise to marry the first crush you have ..

Me: truer words of wisdom have not been spoken

M: i don’t even know if I’ll ever end up marrying you know

Me: well time will tell..

M: yep but it seems difficult - I mean in my experience only one-third of the boys are really sensible you know. What do you think is the ratio?

Me: no that sounds about right..but let’s not get into this generic boy bashing - I mean talking of generalizations there might be some great things about boys.

M: ofcourse - the best thing about boys is that they are very simple - they don’t think much - they fight, they make up, they move on - it’s not like they say something and mean something else - it’s pretty straightforward - you know like baboons - I love that about boys

Whatever ounce of self control I had was lost with that comment - and I had to excuse myself to laugh in private because this was a very sincere conversation and I didn’t want her to feel I was condescending in any which way - It’s just that I don’t remember being so insightful in 3rd Grade!

All reactions:

54Nithya Iyer, Aparna Bhaduri and 52 others